After arriving at the hotel, we were greeted with an overwhelming line in which everyone was waiting to check-in. Due to my embarrassment of walking in late for rehearsal, I was bound and determined to get ready and make it to the dinner party on time.
Fail.
The line was moving snail slow. Once we had our key to the room, we rushed upstairs and realized the keyfab had not been activated. Therefore, I rushed back down the elevator to go back to the front desk.
Oh, no.
The line was still stretched alongside the wall and my fears of disappointing my director kicked into high gear. I made the decision to stand off to the side in the hope that I could gain someone's attention and correct the issue as soon as possible.
My chest began to ache. There I was, cutting in front of a group of strangers as I was trying to proudly represent my community. I hated being that person that acted entitled to go to the front of the line. I made excuses in my head saying, "I already waited my turn". However, I still felt guilty and quickly apologized to those around me when the hotel staff greeted me again.
Take two.
I made it back upstairs to the room and quickly changed into the dress that I had talked myself into just the day before. Having spent more money on the pageant than expected, I had a difficult time justifying the purchase of another dress. But, my mother-in-law was kind enough to purchase hubby a new suit for the occasion. Therefore, he encouraged me to buy the dress and enjoy the evening.
Once dressed, I pinned my hair to the side-knowing I didn't have time to actually get ready. Then, I met Joshua downstairs and walked into the dining room for an evening to remember.
The photographer immediately directed us to get our pictures taken, and I was excited to snap a shot with my best friend in place of her date. I felt like a celebrity, safe in my husband's arms as he put his hands around me for the picture and then guided me to a table.
The nerves of the day were still thick. Despite trying my best to interact with my new friends at the table, I couldn't help but replay the day's events in my head. I mentioned little things to Joshua about how I was struggling, but he was kind enough to encourage me and tell me just to have fun.
We were graced with the presence of the reigning Mrs. America, Austen Williams, and my former sorority sister-Mrs. Oklahoma 2013, Julie Pittman. They introduced themselves and broke the ice by having everyone go around the room and share something funny that happened at their wedding. Deep inside I couldn't think of anything funny about that sweet day in May. However, hubby stepped in and shared for us.
"When everyone should stand up and turn to look at her, I just heard her voice come over the speakers. I thought, 'Oh, no. She is leaving me at the altar,' then she shared her journal with me and a prayer for our marriage-making me cry." In that moment I realized how thankful I was to have that man by my side and relieved that he took the pressure off of me.
Following dinner, it was just the girls. We snapped a few sponsor pictures before changing into our comfy clothes for a last minute dance practice. Without our choegrapher, we decided to push hard to make her proud when she arrived. We talked through our questions and I continued to feel nervous about getting everything right. When Austen returned, I eased my concerns by talking one-on-one when everyone went back to the rooms. Feeling more at ease, I went upstairs and practiced with Ginger over and over until the steps were perfect.
Laying in bed that night, I shared the emotions that had been running through my mind all day. I vented about my struggles and discussed my perception of why I was called to participate that year. I shed a few tears, laughed with encouragement, and the two of us did a short devotional and prayer before calling it a night.
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