Today I had the most amazing experience of developing my first roll(s) of film. How fun! It definitely takes more than I expected, but it was well worth the time. Seriously, you spend close to an hour going through all of these steps just to get the exposures to process. The whole process makes you so anxious. Am I doing it right? What if I forget a step? What if I leave it in too long/short? What if i touch the film!? Boy, oh boy...it was nerve wrecking!
Would you believe it? My film was beautiful! Out of 48 prints, I have AT LEAST 40 GREAT exposures to choose from to enlarge and print. I am so excited! More than that, now I know that my camera is right on target so I can shoot whatever I please. Woo hoo for my next photo shoot.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
I work in an amazing office...
...except
It is on the basement level of the building...
...without windows.
So, I stepped away for about a 5 minute break to look outside. It was so nice to see you, my Sunshine.
It is on the basement level of the building...
...without windows.
So, I stepped away for about a 5 minute break to look outside. It was so nice to see you, my Sunshine.
Dear Life...
Goodmorning New Day,
I love the blue-skies and sunshine you chose to wear today. I, on the other hand, wasn't ready to wake up this morning, and I'm sure you can tell by the lazy-look I put on. You must have changed a thousand times today, because at first glance I thought you where wearing fog with your dewy grass. Let me tell you, I like this look much better on you. Don't get me wrong, you looked beautiful in your grey skies yesterday, and the lightning really topped it off. Actually, I had a wonderful day spending time with you. Sometimes you just need a little change.
I tell you what, you always are a great friend. I love knowing that no matter what, you are always there when I wake up the next morning. I know I don't tell you enough, but thank you for that. I tend to be wrapped up in everything sometimes, and I forget that I just wouldn't be me if it weren't for you being here every day.
It's like you always know exactly how to make me feel better. I have never in my life, met someone like you. Just when I need to be cheered up, you turn on the sunshine. Just when my heart aches and pain strikes, you fire up a bolt of lightning and you cry with me. You offer a whisper of wind when I need advice. You can flip a switch and you are a perfect listener on a calming day.
I mean, take today for example. It was a rough night last night, and you knew I wasn't feeling too great. After tossing and turning and this little ache keeping me up all night, I just wanted to hold on to the night. Six-thirty came too soon. But you, selfless as always, managed to put on your biggest, brightest sunshine just as I was having a weak moment . I loved just listening to you on my way to work. Without saying a word, you can make me feel a million times better.
On top of that, you know that I love it when you sing to me. As soon as I hopped into my car, you turned up singing just what I needed to hear. Your words can always speak to my heart. Just knowing I had the chance to spend a forty-minute drive with you at your best made me happy.
And, whether you meant it or not, you told me I didn't need to wear makeup today. Thank you for that. I will give you the benefit of the doubt and trust your judgment. You know, it is pretty nice not having to worry about anything. I still couldn't shake hiding behind the glasses though, but I'll get there someday. I know, I know...I need to stop worrying about what everyone around me thinks. It's just so difficult with all of these people walking around you all day. I mean, you still look as gorgeous as the day I first met you. You can wear whatever you want, act however you want, and even when people complain...you don't change who you are. Believe me, I don't know how you do it.
Thank you for everything you do for me. It's one of those times, and I need you today. There's no need to repeat everything, but I'm having a hard time with the same-old, same-old. I wish I could do lunch with you today. I'll have to call you after class so you can walk me to my car. I'll talk to you soon.
Love always,
B
I love the blue-skies and sunshine you chose to wear today. I, on the other hand, wasn't ready to wake up this morning, and I'm sure you can tell by the lazy-look I put on. You must have changed a thousand times today, because at first glance I thought you where wearing fog with your dewy grass. Let me tell you, I like this look much better on you. Don't get me wrong, you looked beautiful in your grey skies yesterday, and the lightning really topped it off. Actually, I had a wonderful day spending time with you. Sometimes you just need a little change.
I tell you what, you always are a great friend. I love knowing that no matter what, you are always there when I wake up the next morning. I know I don't tell you enough, but thank you for that. I tend to be wrapped up in everything sometimes, and I forget that I just wouldn't be me if it weren't for you being here every day.
It's like you always know exactly how to make me feel better. I have never in my life, met someone like you. Just when I need to be cheered up, you turn on the sunshine. Just when my heart aches and pain strikes, you fire up a bolt of lightning and you cry with me. You offer a whisper of wind when I need advice. You can flip a switch and you are a perfect listener on a calming day.
I mean, take today for example. It was a rough night last night, and you knew I wasn't feeling too great. After tossing and turning and this little ache keeping me up all night, I just wanted to hold on to the night. Six-thirty came too soon. But you, selfless as always, managed to put on your biggest, brightest sunshine just as I was having a weak moment . I loved just listening to you on my way to work. Without saying a word, you can make me feel a million times better.
On top of that, you know that I love it when you sing to me. As soon as I hopped into my car, you turned up singing just what I needed to hear. Your words can always speak to my heart. Just knowing I had the chance to spend a forty-minute drive with you at your best made me happy.
And, whether you meant it or not, you told me I didn't need to wear makeup today. Thank you for that. I will give you the benefit of the doubt and trust your judgment. You know, it is pretty nice not having to worry about anything. I still couldn't shake hiding behind the glasses though, but I'll get there someday. I know, I know...I need to stop worrying about what everyone around me thinks. It's just so difficult with all of these people walking around you all day. I mean, you still look as gorgeous as the day I first met you. You can wear whatever you want, act however you want, and even when people complain...you don't change who you are. Believe me, I don't know how you do it.
Thank you for everything you do for me. It's one of those times, and I need you today. There's no need to repeat everything, but I'm having a hard time with the same-old, same-old. I wish I could do lunch with you today. I'll have to call you after class so you can walk me to my car. I'll talk to you soon.
Love always,
B
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Hurt
Hurt, anger, frustration,
I'm overwhelmed with my life.
Let me out of this body.
Take me.
Lord, I'm out of it.
I'm out of the loop...
Out of myself...
Out of everything.
I want out of this life.
Lord, help me.
Help me breathe...
Help me live...
Help me make it out.
I want to run.
Lord, I want to run to you,
Away from hurt...
Away from pain...
Away from people, my enemies...
Away from who I am,
Just away.
Take me Lord.
Take me to your arms.
Lift me up,
Up to the stars...
Up to the sunshine...
Up to you.
I cry, weep, wail
I can't stop.
My throat hurts.
I'm drowning,
Drowning in my own tears.
I can't breathe...
Can't talk...
I just cry.
Lord, I hate so much.
I never hate anything.
I hate the violence around me...
The sin.
I hate the path I'm stuck on.
I hate them hurting me.
I hate me.
Lord, hold me.
Hold my heart...
My life...
My body...
Embrace me.
I don't want to leave your arms.
I want to stay with you.
Let me stay.
Keep me.
Don't make me come down.
I just want to stay.
I wake up,
A dream.
I feel like I'm in a nightmare.
It's real.
Oh Lord, it's real.
I can't wake up.
Wake me up!
Let me go back to you!
Please...
Oh please...
I want to be with you.
I don't want to be here.
I'm barely alive inside,
Barely here.
I'm just walking around.
I'm just a fake heartbeat.
Lord, please.
Hurt, anger, frustration,
I'm overwhelmed with my life.
I'm overwhelmed with my life.
Let me out of this body.
Take me.
Lord, I'm out of it.
I'm out of the loop...
Out of myself...
Out of everything.
I want out of this life.
Lord, help me.
Help me breathe...
Help me live...
Help me make it out.
I want to run.
Lord, I want to run to you,
Away from hurt...
Away from pain...
Away from people, my enemies...
Away from who I am,
Just away.
Take me Lord.
Take me to your arms.
Lift me up,
Up to the stars...
Up to the sunshine...
Up to you.
I cry, weep, wail
I can't stop.
My throat hurts.
I'm drowning,
Drowning in my own tears.
I can't breathe...
Can't talk...
I just cry.
Lord, I hate so much.
I never hate anything.
I hate the violence around me...
The sin.
I hate the path I'm stuck on.
I hate them hurting me.
I hate me.
Lord, hold me.
Hold my heart...
My life...
My body...
Embrace me.
I don't want to leave your arms.
I want to stay with you.
Let me stay.
Keep me.
Don't make me come down.
I just want to stay.
I wake up,
A dream.
I feel like I'm in a nightmare.
It's real.
Oh Lord, it's real.
I can't wake up.
Wake me up!
Let me go back to you!
Please...
Oh please...
I want to be with you.
I don't want to be here.
I'm barely alive inside,
Barely here.
I'm just walking around.
I'm just a fake heartbeat.
Lord, please.
Hurt, anger, frustration,
I'm overwhelmed with my life.
I am
I am just a little girl, with such an undeserving love.
I wonder if people see Him living in me.
I hear the constant teasing,
I know my Lord will be with me...
...forever.
I want to stand before my "Daddy," and crawl into His lap.
I am just a little girl, with such an undeserving love.
I pretend I'm really strong.
I feel so very weak.
I touch my Savior's precious hand.
I worry what comes next.
I cry when I see all the pain around me.
I am just a little girl, with such an undeserving love.
I understand the love in my comes from only God.
I say that God is love.
I dream of the day I'll be with Him.
I try so hard for others to see the faith I have for Him.
I hope someday they will trust Him too, and put their life in His hands.
I am just a little girl, with such an undeserving love.
I wonder if people see Him living in me.
I hear the constant teasing,
I know my Lord will be with me...
...forever.
I want to stand before my "Daddy," and crawl into His lap.
I am just a little girl, with such an undeserving love.
I pretend I'm really strong.
I feel so very weak.
I touch my Savior's precious hand.
I worry what comes next.
I cry when I see all the pain around me.
I am just a little girl, with such an undeserving love.
I understand the love in my comes from only God.
I say that God is love.
I dream of the day I'll be with Him.
I try so hard for others to see the faith I have for Him.
I hope someday they will trust Him too, and put their life in His hands.
I am just a little girl, with such an undeserving love.
Forgiveness
Failing your expectations
Only to have you take me back
Really not deserving you
God, let me stay in your arms
I can't explain my feelings for you
Victim of hurting, I break your heart again
Even though I love you, sometimes I just mess up
Never let me go, let me keep you always
Endless, eternal love for you, my life is in your hands
So look into my eyes and tell me you love me, because I want to:
Say I'm sorry for letting you down
Only to have you take me back
Really not deserving you
God, let me stay in your arms
I can't explain my feelings for you
Victim of hurting, I break your heart again
Even though I love you, sometimes I just mess up
Never let me go, let me keep you always
Endless, eternal love for you, my life is in your hands
So look into my eyes and tell me you love me, because I want to:
Say I'm sorry for letting you down
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Life, love, and happiness change
Over the years, I have come to realize more than ever that life changes. The plans...goals...hopes for your future may come to an abrupt hault at any given moment. It is in those life altering moments that we find the truth. The truth is...love changes.
Love can take the shape of many things. Love is in the little things that we choose to call our favorites. Love is in the passion we have for our own life and the things that fill it. Love is in the people we call our friends, and it is even in those that we once called our friends. Love is the essence of every good relationship that may or may not turn out the way we hoped for. Love is never giving up on that feeling. Love is that weak-in-the-knees, he makes my heart melt, I can't help but fall head-over-heels, "I never want to let you go" feeling. However, in the end...it is so much more than a feeling. Love is the decision to keep fighting even when they break your heart. Love is the want to go on with your life together because it is better than the one you possess on your own. Love is letting go of your past, who you were, who you loved before, and letting them in. Love, though ever-changing, never fails.
Happiness, however, is conditional. I pray that the happiness that one simple action ignited in my life a long time ago never slips away. The actions that bring happiness may come and go, but the light in my life prevails. I wish happiness on those around me...those that have impacted my life. I wish true, unconditional love for those I love. I pray for the eternal life that sustains all. Let's face it...everything has a season. Today is my season to reflect. I hope the life, love, and happiness that is in my life is evident to you.
Love can take the shape of many things. Love is in the little things that we choose to call our favorites. Love is in the passion we have for our own life and the things that fill it. Love is in the people we call our friends, and it is even in those that we once called our friends. Love is the essence of every good relationship that may or may not turn out the way we hoped for. Love is never giving up on that feeling. Love is that weak-in-the-knees, he makes my heart melt, I can't help but fall head-over-heels, "I never want to let you go" feeling. However, in the end...it is so much more than a feeling. Love is the decision to keep fighting even when they break your heart. Love is the want to go on with your life together because it is better than the one you possess on your own. Love is letting go of your past, who you were, who you loved before, and letting them in. Love, though ever-changing, never fails.
Happiness, however, is conditional. I pray that the happiness that one simple action ignited in my life a long time ago never slips away. The actions that bring happiness may come and go, but the light in my life prevails. I wish happiness on those around me...those that have impacted my life. I wish true, unconditional love for those I love. I pray for the eternal life that sustains all. Let's face it...everything has a season. Today is my season to reflect. I hope the life, love, and happiness that is in my life is evident to you.
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