February 2015, Read Between the Lines

February 24, 2015
My skin is pimply and I have had two serious nosebleeds-both of which are great signs of the "right" hormones being present.  I am praying for a plus sign!

February 26, 2015
I am definitely hyperstimulating again.  I feel bloated and keep wondering, "Where did my waist go?"

After talking my way through all the possible outcomes, I decided to take a pregnancy test.

Wait.

Should I?

Joshua and I discussed that we would wait until our doctor's visit before finding out if we were pregnant.  The thing is, I didn't want to get a phone call in the middle of the afternoon tomorrow following blood work, receive a phone call from Joshua while he was at work asking what I found out, and then telling him the news over the phone.  No matter what, I wanted to be together if it was good news. 

I understand Joshua was really worried about me.  After all we had been through and the wave of emotions that had overwhelmed me from everything in the past, he had every right to be concerned.  However, this was different to me.  For once I had a peace about everything.  I think God knew I couldn't handle any more disappointment, and it felt like it was our time...that it was right.

Missing out on the precious moments of surprise in the past were something I hated.  I wanted to have the opportunity to tell my husband, "We're having a baby!" I wanted it to be unexpected.  I wanted his eyes to well up with tears as we were filled with emotions.  Therefore, I decided to go take a test on my own.

Driving up to the local pharmacy, I processed how I would make this work.  If it was positive, I wanted to tell Joshua that evening.  It had always been a dream of mine to have a little bun in the oven with my love of baking, but how could I pull that off in a matter of...two hours?

I decided the only way to make my plans work was to take the test at the store and bolt to a nearby bakery. 

I walked into the back of the store, picked up the all-too-familiar pink box of tests, checked out at the front cash register, and made the trek to the ladies room.  I couldn't even contain my plans as I mentioned to the clerk, "we are praying for good news."

Once in the restroom, I couldn't help but say a prayer as my hands shook.  Part of me was nervous, part of me was excited.  It was difficult to get the wrapper opened, and I began to feel my eyes fill with tears at the thought of what was about to happen.

On one hand, I was going to have every dream, every prayer come true.  We would finally be parents.  Every surgery, every disappointment, every heart ache and tear, every poke and prod, and every penny would be worth it.  On the other hand...

I just couldn't think about the devastation that would follow if...

I opened the wrapper and sat in the quiet of the bathroom as I waited for the results.

Immediately, the lines appeared.  Wait, lines?  Plural?  Were there two?  Had it even been a minute yet?  Could this be true?

I couldn't help but laugh through the tears as I audibly said, "Thank you, Lord."

There, in the CVS bathroom I found out I was expecting.

There was no way to contain the excitement as I practically ran out of the restroom with soaking cheeks and a runny nose. 

"I'm going to be a mom!" I yelled with my hands held high as the clerk looked my way.