The past two-and-a-half years have been filled with more joy and unexpected circumstances than I could retell. There is something so precious about marriage at its core; however, very few of us are able to truly experience this in a world that values entitlement and unrealistic expectations. I am happy to say that I have seen (if only a glimpse) love in its most perfect form.
Last week in our LifeGroup, we had the pleasure of starting Andy Stanley's, "Staying in Love" series. What a talented and intelligent individual to have been provided so much insight on the principles of marriage. It was such a joy to sit around a room with good company and discuss how we can work at our marriages to be intentional about making love a verb.
You see, Andy delves into the topic of how love is something we "fall into". It is easy to do this for anyone with a heartbeat. But, the difficult part comes with the consistent commitment to use actions to stay in love. Not only that, but we are called to love in a way that we are willing to completely lay down ourselves for the spouse we have been entrusted with. This calling isn't to allow one to walk all over you, but rather to lift them up as Christ served us.
What a great way to picture how marriage should be illustrated.
It doesn't take long for a person to sit down with me and get to know my passions. In fact, I dedicated years of schooling and putting my education into practice because of my soapbox. In a world where marriages are filled with shallow purposes, and it is easier to give up than to fight for someone, I deeply believe it is time for us to stand for what marriage can truly be.
As I mentioned before, God's timing is infinitely better than our own. With that being said, I stepped down from my professional role in society and into the position of full-time Wife on January 27, 2014. Less than 24 hours later, God opened a door that I could not help but pray over.
I had been enjoying my morning of relaxation before getting up and getting to work around the house. I threw in a load of laundry and cleaned here-and-there before fixing something to eat for my husband.
I looked forward to these days more than anything. For years in our past, we worked around opposite schedules. At the time of our first date, he was working nights as I was working three jobs and going to school. There was almost no time for growing into "us". As his schedule changed, so did mine. There were higher demands during my senior year of college and once graduation came upon us we seemed to have no time with my new job.
We went back-and-forth between night shift and days while planning a wedding and dealing with my medical situations. The demands to meet the needs of my couples left me wanting so much more for my own marriage. And, when I stepped into my most recent job I was still craving more time with my family.
Therefore, lunch on a Tuesday with my husband was unheard of. But, God is so good to bless us with this time together and I was soaking up every minute of our new lifestyle at this time to make it the best it could be.
Shortly after Joshua left to go back to work, I found myself in front of the computer screen typing out my heart. Having the quietness of our house allowed me to be incredibly reflective in a way that I never had been able to. As I stared at the computer, I found myself thinking of all the possibilities that were to come. Then, a message from an old friend found me questioning what my next step was going to be.
Somehow, in the midst of all the busyness of college, I had found a light in my sorority Sigma Phi Lambda. These women were strong, Christian ladies that valued others before themselves. Although my time in the sorority was short-lived, the memories made a lifetime impact. And, the message I spoke of came from one of these amazing sisters as she asked me to participate in Mrs. Oklahoma 2014.
My initial response was immediately, "no". I mean, I have never participated in any pageant and what would make me capable of this. Every insecurity flooded my mind as I felt the enemy pull down the very confidence I had intentionally spoke on. I could think of a million things that would lead me away from this event.
One of the most beautiful women I know (inside and out) had discussed just weeks prior about her experience and excitement on participating in the very event that I had been invited to. I immediately wanted to call and ask for advice, but fear overpowered me. "What if she thought I was trying to take this experience away from her?" That's when, once again, God's perfect timing appeared in the form of a text message from this sweet girl.
I called her as soon I saw the message and was transparent about what had just happened. Expecting some form of discouragement, I was surprised to hear quite the opposite. We discussed insecurities and our intentions with one another. I opened up about my fears and hesitation to accept; however, after a long conversation and a few days of prayer I couldn't make a single list in which the cons outweighed the pros.
Therefore, I have officially accepted an invitation to participate in the Mrs. Oklahoma 2014 pageant on March 21-22nd. It is with complete joy and humility that I am thankful that I have even been considered. What an honor to be a representative not only of the state of Oklahoma, but rather an example of a woman that has experienced the true purpose of marriage. My hope is to stand for women all over that you don't have to fit a mold, but can be beautiful in the skin God gave you. Not only that, but you are capable of anything you set your mind to and that true beauty lies within your heart.
May my words be an encouragement to those around me and life-giving in a way that lasts a lifetime. I hope to speak truth into people regarding why marriage exists in its entirety, and how to be the best person God intended you to be.
As a newly single-income family now, finances are tight and God has paved this journey financially through the resources from friends and the community. I cannot express how grateful I am to have people invest in me with their time and energy. A big thank you to Colorband PhotoArtisans as they have chosen to sponsor me with their amazing talent of photography for the competition.
Already, the amount of love and support I have felt is overwhelming. I would like to thank each and every one of you that have been there for me in the past and continue to stand in agreement as I walk into something that I have never done before. Thank you to my amazing husband for believing in me and sharing in this excitement. Thank you, Ginger, for your friendship and empowering compassion to guide me through this journey.
This isn't how I planned my life, but I wouldn't have it any other way. God works everything out for His good, and I cannot wait to be used by Him in what is to come. So, here is to the next journey in what is to come in life as Mrs.
Friday, January 31, 2014
Timing
I have heard time-and-time again that everything will happen at the right time. Now, to be perfectly honest this is of no encouragement when you are standing in the storm.
When trials hit, I imagine myself alone in the pouring rain, cold and shaking. Looking to the sky I ask God, "can I get an umbrella?" Sometimes our prayers are answered immediately, as if God places the umbrella directly into our hands. Other times, our answer may come in the form of a stranger that may walk up to us and give us shelter under their umbrella and guide us out of the rain. However, sometimes we are left standing alone wondering why we are still getting wet.
I think back to a song that was sung in church, years ago. I can remember the moment vividly when a sweet woman named Kayla walked up on stage and had the voice of an angel. She sang honestly of something so significant called "gratitude".
More than a decade later I can remember bits and pieces of the song as she sang about the reality that sometimes God doesn't answer our prayers in the way we want. In fact, when we pray for our daily bread and roof to shelter us, we may be faced with an experience that teaches us to hunger after the Lord and witness His vast creation in all the stars. In those moments, we should never cease to give thanks to God.
Why is it, that we often give God a hard time when He doesn't immediately give us an umbrella; yet, we don't see the bigger picture in that He can bring the sun? I'm reminded in times like these that we have to focus not on our will, but recognize that God-the creator of all the earth, the one that gives light to the world, and the very being that died for our sins in selfless love-has the power to change our destiny for the good.
Months ago, I was at that crossroad looking up in the clouds and asking God to give me protection. Had I focused on my will, I would have given up when He chose to keep me in the storm until the sun could shine in all its glory.
My timing would have very much changed the course of my today.
God's will and timing, my friends, is so much better than our own. Despite the hardships we may face and how difficult it may be to hear those words, we must not lose sight of His infinite grace. When we trust Him and are obedient according to His word, we are granted the opportunity to experience His love in a way that can lead others to know Him.
I am so blessed by the fact that I have lived through the storm. In fact, some days it rains harder than others and I am left feeling alone and cold. However, I have learned in those moments to reflect on the unconditional love of Christ and find shelter and warmth in Him. I am blessed beyond all measure to be where I am today. I know that this is not the end of a story, but rather just the beginning. I look forward to how God can use me as I am open to what He wants for my life. I pray over each of you that you will trust God more and more and find comfort in your own storm.
May I be an example and friend to some to share my umbrella when necessary and support you by extending the hands and feet of Christ. No matter where you are today, remember that everything will happen in God's timing...if you let Him.
Why is it, that we often give God a hard time when He doesn't immediately give us an umbrella; yet, we don't see the bigger picture in that He can bring the sun? I'm reminded in times like these that we have to focus not on our will, but recognize that God-the creator of all the earth, the one that gives light to the world, and the very being that died for our sins in selfless love-has the power to change our destiny for the good.
Months ago, I was at that crossroad looking up in the clouds and asking God to give me protection. Had I focused on my will, I would have given up when He chose to keep me in the storm until the sun could shine in all its glory.
My timing would have very much changed the course of my today.
- Had I allowed myself to stay in a position where my heart was being torn, I would have been selfishly focusing on my wants and getting nothing out of my job.
- Had I not put in my two weeks' notice-out of total faith that God would provide financially, He may not have entrusted us with my husband's new job-after he had searched for more than four years.
- Had he not taken the job and me not have been obedient to God's calling, I strongly believe I never would have been accepted into a ministry role at my church as He had prepared the next position for me.
- Had I not taken the position at my church, I never would have grown closer to individuals that I call "friends" or been given clarity on a deeper calling for my marriage.
- Had we not addressed the issues of what was going on in our marriage, we may have thrown in the towel or missed out on one of God's greatest blessings in life.
- And, had none of the things happened in the course as they did, I may never have been entrusted with the role to protect and take care of my house and marriage by staying-at-home which has already opened more doors than I could have ever imagined.
God's will and timing, my friends, is so much better than our own. Despite the hardships we may face and how difficult it may be to hear those words, we must not lose sight of His infinite grace. When we trust Him and are obedient according to His word, we are granted the opportunity to experience His love in a way that can lead others to know Him.
I am so blessed by the fact that I have lived through the storm. In fact, some days it rains harder than others and I am left feeling alone and cold. However, I have learned in those moments to reflect on the unconditional love of Christ and find shelter and warmth in Him. I am blessed beyond all measure to be where I am today. I know that this is not the end of a story, but rather just the beginning. I look forward to how God can use me as I am open to what He wants for my life. I pray over each of you that you will trust God more and more and find comfort in your own storm.
May I be an example and friend to some to share my umbrella when necessary and support you by extending the hands and feet of Christ. No matter where you are today, remember that everything will happen in God's timing...if you let Him.
Friday, January 24, 2014
Please, No Cameras
In an age where selfies and less-than-modest photos are plastered in social media, I have become very reflective on the perception I have of myself. No, it's not so much that I am caught up in what others think of me but rather how to be more confident in who I am. Although, that hasn't always been the case.
Over the years my life has been filled with many ups and downs. My emotional and physical challenges have left me anything but confident. Despite my petite frame, I have struggled with my body image more than you could imagine. When you measure less than five feet in height, one pound looks like 5 or 10 in weight gain.
As a teen, I was different than just about everyone around me. With medical problems lacing the years, my weight fluctuated drastically during a very difficult time. I would watch everything I put in my mouth for weeks to try to be back to "normal" and then eat uncontrollably when emotions ran high. I would use my aches an pains as an excuse to avoid eating all together at times. I compared myself to the other girls-almost addictively. No matter what I tried, it was never good enough.
My junior year I decided to push myself harder than I ever had before. Signing up for a weight training class with the majority of the students being male, I had something to prove. I remember vividly walking in and telling everyone I was going to be able to do 20 pull ups by the end of the semester.
The guys would mock me as I had no idea what I was signing up for. I didn't think about what was realistic, I just wanted to prove everyone wrong. I would arrive each day and focus on the end result, the new me. By the end of the semester I had accomplished squatting more than 190lbs and being able to do approximately 22 pull ups. I was thin, fit and strong. Dating a jock at the time, my newfound confidence carried into my relationship. I began feeling more attractive and letting go of my worries-for a moment.
Unfortunately, the shallow joy I had experienced was short-lived as all it took was one glance at the "pretty girls" to take me back into my rut.
I would never look like them.
My skin wasn't flawless, my body wasn't developed, and I could think of a million things about me that made me less than them. I began drowning myself in the chase of perfection and acceptance. I longed to be complimented and allowed the first interest in me to lower my standards for my life.
College was ten times worse. Even though I was no longer surrounded by the cheerleaders, they were replaced with the half-dressed blondes winning the frat boys' hearts. Social media flared up every feeling of pain within me. As these beautiful women displayed themselves in all their glory, I was trapped. I remember trying so hard to impress those around me. Again, compromising the girl I knew I really was to become someone like them.
If I could have stopped the clock my freshman year and reflected back on what had happened, maybe I could have talked myself out of how foolish I was being. Maybe the course of my life following would be very different. However, this downhill spiral didn't stop a few weeks into my college years, not even a few months. In fact, this search for acceptance drove me to pulling myself further than anyone around me could have lifted me up.
Just over two and a half years ago I found myself standing at the altar next to the love of my life. Battling a medical mystery, I had been through numerous tests and dropped four inches from the custom size 0 dress I had ordered months prior.
After years of wiring my brain on what I thought was beauty, I would find myself reviewing wedding/honeymoon pictures months later and think, "I wish I still looked like that ". Even recently, I am guilty of comparing the me-now to the me-then. Not to mention, having in-laws with insanely great genes, I felt like the black sheep of the family.
I could go on and on about the things I wish I could change: the complexion of my skin, the texture of my hair (after being on hormones-yuck), the size of my chest/waist/hips/thighs, my crooked smile and the constant "big nose".
With so many new changes going on lately, I decided that my facebook should be no different. And, after searching for the perfect picture to display on my "profile picture" I came to the realization that for the past five years, I have hidden myself from the camera. True, I had a very few close friends in college that I would feel comfortable with snapping a picture every now and again. However, almost five years to the date from today I stopped being confident in front of the camera and started hiding myself.
Going through all of the thousands of pictures I have taken at family events and activities, I cannot manage to more than a handful of pictures that included me. Not to mention the ones I have found were generally improv shots that my hubby may have gotten in a not so attractive state such as eating with my mouth full or cheesing it up.
Therefore, I am making an effort to be a better me. Inside and out, I want to be proud of the girl I am. I will work harder to be healthy rather than thin, to not compare myself as much to others, and to allow myself to be vulnerable in front of the camera. Paparazzi beware.
Over the years my life has been filled with many ups and downs. My emotional and physical challenges have left me anything but confident. Despite my petite frame, I have struggled with my body image more than you could imagine. When you measure less than five feet in height, one pound looks like 5 or 10 in weight gain.
As a teen, I was different than just about everyone around me. With medical problems lacing the years, my weight fluctuated drastically during a very difficult time. I would watch everything I put in my mouth for weeks to try to be back to "normal" and then eat uncontrollably when emotions ran high. I would use my aches an pains as an excuse to avoid eating all together at times. I compared myself to the other girls-almost addictively. No matter what I tried, it was never good enough.
My junior year I decided to push myself harder than I ever had before. Signing up for a weight training class with the majority of the students being male, I had something to prove. I remember vividly walking in and telling everyone I was going to be able to do 20 pull ups by the end of the semester.
The guys would mock me as I had no idea what I was signing up for. I didn't think about what was realistic, I just wanted to prove everyone wrong. I would arrive each day and focus on the end result, the new me. By the end of the semester I had accomplished squatting more than 190lbs and being able to do approximately 22 pull ups. I was thin, fit and strong. Dating a jock at the time, my newfound confidence carried into my relationship. I began feeling more attractive and letting go of my worries-for a moment.
Unfortunately, the shallow joy I had experienced was short-lived as all it took was one glance at the "pretty girls" to take me back into my rut.
I would never look like them.
My skin wasn't flawless, my body wasn't developed, and I could think of a million things about me that made me less than them. I began drowning myself in the chase of perfection and acceptance. I longed to be complimented and allowed the first interest in me to lower my standards for my life.
College was ten times worse. Even though I was no longer surrounded by the cheerleaders, they were replaced with the half-dressed blondes winning the frat boys' hearts. Social media flared up every feeling of pain within me. As these beautiful women displayed themselves in all their glory, I was trapped. I remember trying so hard to impress those around me. Again, compromising the girl I knew I really was to become someone like them.
If I could have stopped the clock my freshman year and reflected back on what had happened, maybe I could have talked myself out of how foolish I was being. Maybe the course of my life following would be very different. However, this downhill spiral didn't stop a few weeks into my college years, not even a few months. In fact, this search for acceptance drove me to pulling myself further than anyone around me could have lifted me up.
Just over two and a half years ago I found myself standing at the altar next to the love of my life. Battling a medical mystery, I had been through numerous tests and dropped four inches from the custom size 0 dress I had ordered months prior.
After years of wiring my brain on what I thought was beauty, I would find myself reviewing wedding/honeymoon pictures months later and think, "I wish I still looked like that ". Even recently, I am guilty of comparing the me-now to the me-then. Not to mention, having in-laws with insanely great genes, I felt like the black sheep of the family.
I could go on and on about the things I wish I could change: the complexion of my skin, the texture of my hair (after being on hormones-yuck), the size of my chest/waist/hips/thighs, my crooked smile and the constant "big nose".
With so many new changes going on lately, I decided that my facebook should be no different. And, after searching for the perfect picture to display on my "profile picture" I came to the realization that for the past five years, I have hidden myself from the camera. True, I had a very few close friends in college that I would feel comfortable with snapping a picture every now and again. However, almost five years to the date from today I stopped being confident in front of the camera and started hiding myself.
Going through all of the thousands of pictures I have taken at family events and activities, I cannot manage to more than a handful of pictures that included me. Not to mention the ones I have found were generally improv shots that my hubby may have gotten in a not so attractive state such as eating with my mouth full or cheesing it up.
Therefore, I am making an effort to be a better me. Inside and out, I want to be proud of the girl I am. I will work harder to be healthy rather than thin, to not compare myself as much to others, and to allow myself to be vulnerable in front of the camera. Paparazzi beware.
Monday, January 20, 2014
Getting Over My Pride
Part Two
When I first met my husband, there were so many ups and downs laced between the love we were discovering. Despite our differences, a few things were true for us-always. We valued our faith in God, and His unwavering love. We knew that few things in life are more important than family. In fact, jobs would never define who we were as a person but were a way to make life go 'round.
We desired children, and believed they were a blessing to enjoy the abundance of love that we had for one another. Therefore, when we began our marriage, we also began starting our family. We prepared our hearts for children and were crushed when disappointment came-month after month. I grieved the loss of our future children and began to go into a sort of identity crisis. If staying-at-home as a mom was what we had planned, where did this leave me?
Life was in full force, and finances were a burden. With surgeries on the books and medical debt adding up, one income was not an option. I did the practical thing and got a paycheck.
My first job out of college was just that-a job. It was an eight-to-five lifestyle that left me frustrated and empty. I had worked so hard for my education and had nothing to apply it to. Yes, I had dabbled with the idea of going onto get my master's degree, work full time in the field, and make a name for myself as a counselor. However, my heart was still with my dreams.
I began searching for the greatest job and landed at a place that would have made any graduate in my field jealous. It was a program that had everything I had learned. I made a difference in people's lives and valued the work I was doing. But, something was missing. My faith could not be a part of my career in that work.
Therefore, I followed God's call and stepped into the ministry as you've heard all about. The journey was short and not taken lightly. It was through each step that I made it to here. Then, something happened that I never could have imagined.
That same respect and value I had for my mother and grandmother all of these years was absent in those around me. There is something profound that happens when you go from being a "professional" to denying the ways of the world and working in the most important field-your home. That's when, I had to get over my pride and realize that the world's perception of my newfound joy was not the same as my own.
The Lord is shaping my heart, daily. And, this experience will be an incredibly humbling one at that. So, pray in agreement with me that God will use this opportunity for what is good and righteous, and the attacks of those around me may never pierce my heart.
When I first met my husband, there were so many ups and downs laced between the love we were discovering. Despite our differences, a few things were true for us-always. We valued our faith in God, and His unwavering love. We knew that few things in life are more important than family. In fact, jobs would never define who we were as a person but were a way to make life go 'round.
We desired children, and believed they were a blessing to enjoy the abundance of love that we had for one another. Therefore, when we began our marriage, we also began starting our family. We prepared our hearts for children and were crushed when disappointment came-month after month. I grieved the loss of our future children and began to go into a sort of identity crisis. If staying-at-home as a mom was what we had planned, where did this leave me?
Life was in full force, and finances were a burden. With surgeries on the books and medical debt adding up, one income was not an option. I did the practical thing and got a paycheck.
My first job out of college was just that-a job. It was an eight-to-five lifestyle that left me frustrated and empty. I had worked so hard for my education and had nothing to apply it to. Yes, I had dabbled with the idea of going onto get my master's degree, work full time in the field, and make a name for myself as a counselor. However, my heart was still with my dreams.
I began searching for the greatest job and landed at a place that would have made any graduate in my field jealous. It was a program that had everything I had learned. I made a difference in people's lives and valued the work I was doing. But, something was missing. My faith could not be a part of my career in that work.
Therefore, I followed God's call and stepped into the ministry as you've heard all about. The journey was short and not taken lightly. It was through each step that I made it to here. Then, something happened that I never could have imagined.
That same respect and value I had for my mother and grandmother all of these years was absent in those around me. There is something profound that happens when you go from being a "professional" to denying the ways of the world and working in the most important field-your home. That's when, I had to get over my pride and realize that the world's perception of my newfound joy was not the same as my own.
The Lord is shaping my heart, daily. And, this experience will be an incredibly humbling one at that. So, pray in agreement with me that God will use this opportunity for what is good and righteous, and the attacks of those around me may never pierce my heart.
Wherever You Will Go
Being vulnerably transparent, I would have to admit that there is a great amount of guilt that has weighed down my heart over the years. As time moves forward, I'm reminded of how precious every moment truly is. So many of these moments have passed and we can never get them back. I have not always been the best friend. In fact, my humanity has labeled me all too often in my life. I know I have fallen so short of deserving even what I have been blessed with.
However, I owe it to everyone that stood by my side to say, "Thank you." Thank you for believing in me and encouraging me in my darkest hours. Thank you for holding my hand and crying with me when I just needed someone. Thank you for being there and lifting me up. There are a million thank you's deserved. And, although I may never be present in your life again, I hope you know that in my heart I will be wherever you will go to encourage you just the same.
Getting Over My Pride
Part One
As a little girl, I had two of the biggest role models in my life-my Momma and my Gramma. Both of these inspirational figures stayed home with their children from a young age. In reality, I saw them as the wonder women they were. They somehow managed to keep up with more than just the housework, which was a fulltime job in itself. In fact, I knew that their "job" could never be valued with a dollar amount.
Over time, I began to desire the same values that my family had placed within me. I wanted, more than anything, to be a stay-at-home mom. I dreamt of having a huge family, complete with messy dishes and stained furniture. No, I didn't desire perfection-although cleanliness is important to me. I valued the important things. I wanted to train up my children in a way that they would know that love was the greatest thing in life. I wanted a husband that was not just a mate, but was my partner-in-crime...my best friend. Someone I could laugh with, cry with, and be accepted for the person I was.
I began dating these dreams years ago. I searched far and wide and tried to make everything work with anyone that got close. I had the vision. I was going to get married fresh out of high school to a good man, gain an education to apply to my personal life, and start having children to begin our incredibly large and blessed family.
Amidst my dating extravaganzas, I began to compromise who I really was. My standards were lowered as time slipped away. I began questioning my value. What was I really worth? No one wanted me. They made promises and backed out. I tried to hold onto a lie over and over again.
True, God always placed someone in my life at just the right moment to help me gain a level-head. When I got too far away from what was really important, God always used them to pull me back into the truth and shake the poor decisions I had made. Every now and again, I become reminiscent of the joy that was brought into my life in a hugely instrumental way through them. And, I wouldn't be who I am today without them.
As a little girl, I had two of the biggest role models in my life-my Momma and my Gramma. Both of these inspirational figures stayed home with their children from a young age. In reality, I saw them as the wonder women they were. They somehow managed to keep up with more than just the housework, which was a fulltime job in itself. In fact, I knew that their "job" could never be valued with a dollar amount.
Over time, I began to desire the same values that my family had placed within me. I wanted, more than anything, to be a stay-at-home mom. I dreamt of having a huge family, complete with messy dishes and stained furniture. No, I didn't desire perfection-although cleanliness is important to me. I valued the important things. I wanted to train up my children in a way that they would know that love was the greatest thing in life. I wanted a husband that was not just a mate, but was my partner-in-crime...my best friend. Someone I could laugh with, cry with, and be accepted for the person I was.
I began dating these dreams years ago. I searched far and wide and tried to make everything work with anyone that got close. I had the vision. I was going to get married fresh out of high school to a good man, gain an education to apply to my personal life, and start having children to begin our incredibly large and blessed family.
Amidst my dating extravaganzas, I began to compromise who I really was. My standards were lowered as time slipped away. I began questioning my value. What was I really worth? No one wanted me. They made promises and backed out. I tried to hold onto a lie over and over again.
True, God always placed someone in my life at just the right moment to help me gain a level-head. When I got too far away from what was really important, God always used them to pull me back into the truth and shake the poor decisions I had made. Every now and again, I become reminiscent of the joy that was brought into my life in a hugely instrumental way through them. And, I wouldn't be who I am today without them.
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Let's Do Life Together
After years of inactively attending our church, we made the decision last January to make LifeChurch.tv NW OKC our home. With the exception of being gone a couple weeks due to illness/surgery, we decided we were going to make an effort to be there every week. Following this decision came a number of other decisions and blessings we were able to experience.
One weekend, a couple casually mentioned that they were considering leading a LifeGroup. As a Christ-centered family, they felt God pulling at their hearts to lead other couples in what is really important: God first, then your marriage.
They wanted to be intentional about doing life together with others, and focus on what they felt was important to them. So, they pursued their calling and started our small group.
January 17th, we had the honor of sitting beside temporary strangers as we went to a marriage conference with our leaders and the other couples that God had instrumentally placed in our group. It's amazing how something so incredible happens when you open your heart and take a step of faith.
I cannot wait to get to know each of the families that we are now blessed to have in our family-away-from-our-family. It's exciting to know that the best is up ahead, and see what is in store as we do life together.
- Praying genuine, real-time prayers as well as prayers for our future children
- Trusting God financially-despite bills showing up each month, we always had an abundance at the end of the day to take care of our needs and some of our wants
- Serving when our church needed someone to help-Joshua spent countless hours and energy working in preparation for our Summer series, getting to know a number of great new friends
- Praying over our jobs- the answers only to come by the amazing mercy of God. And, although we were struggling in our marriage at times, it was evident that He placed me positionally for success in our marriage by joining the ministry
One weekend, a couple casually mentioned that they were considering leading a LifeGroup. As a Christ-centered family, they felt God pulling at their hearts to lead other couples in what is really important: God first, then your marriage.
They wanted to be intentional about doing life together with others, and focus on what they felt was important to them. So, they pursued their calling and started our small group.
January 17th, we had the honor of sitting beside temporary strangers as we went to a marriage conference with our leaders and the other couples that God had instrumentally placed in our group. It's amazing how something so incredible happens when you open your heart and take a step of faith.
I cannot wait to get to know each of the families that we are now blessed to have in our family-away-from-our-family. It's exciting to know that the best is up ahead, and see what is in store as we do life together.
Friday, January 17, 2014
Housewife
From the very moment I accepted God's command on my life to be obedient to His calling, He blessed me with more than I could ever have hoped for.
The holidays were filled with family and friends as we continued in our day-to-day lives. I worked my eight-to-five, taught on Thursday evenings, and prayed for the weekends. We would use our spare moments to get into the hustle and bustle of the season as we prepared for Christmas.
In my role, I did what I was told and began to search for answers. In a culture that values personal development, I took part in self-awareness trainings. As I sat in a room full of almost-strangers, I listened to everyone list out their strengths.
"It's amazing how everyone's role fits perfectly with their strengths," a co-worker said.
That's when I knew there was more than let down expectations in my doubt. Why, why would God put me in a role that stretched me so much outside of my comfort zone? When people told me how good I was doing, all I could think was, "you have no idea how hard it has been on me."
As an extrovert, I struggled being in front of a computer all day.
As a teacher and counselor, I had no one to help.
As a light into the world, everyone's lamp was already lit.
As a leader, I was in the corner.
As a relational being, I had no one.
No one, but God that is.
As a wife, I was absent.
Through my short time in my church, God blessed me with the opportunity to turn my thoughts to Him.
With God's provision-in His perfect timing-He paid for our largest financial debt. With one less bill to pay, we had the ability to think about our future in a way we never had. Just like that, a lifelong dream of being the person I have always wanted to be was coming true. And, with the support of my husband, we took a step of faith and I went from being Purchasing Coordinator to "Housewife".
Here's to the future and a deeper calling.
The holidays were filled with family and friends as we continued in our day-to-day lives. I worked my eight-to-five, taught on Thursday evenings, and prayed for the weekends. We would use our spare moments to get into the hustle and bustle of the season as we prepared for Christmas.
In my role, I did what I was told and began to search for answers. In a culture that values personal development, I took part in self-awareness trainings. As I sat in a room full of almost-strangers, I listened to everyone list out their strengths.
"It's amazing how everyone's role fits perfectly with their strengths," a co-worker said.
That's when I knew there was more than let down expectations in my doubt. Why, why would God put me in a role that stretched me so much outside of my comfort zone? When people told me how good I was doing, all I could think was, "you have no idea how hard it has been on me."
As an extrovert, I struggled being in front of a computer all day.
As a teacher and counselor, I had no one to help.
As a light into the world, everyone's lamp was already lit.
As a leader, I was in the corner.
As a relational being, I had no one.
No one, but God that is.
As a wife, I was absent.
Through my short time in my church, God blessed me with the opportunity to turn my thoughts to Him.
- To allow Him to guide my day
- To find energy in Him to get me through one more spreadsheet
- To decompress after a long day
- To find rest in Him
- To find joy in His morning
With God's provision-in His perfect timing-He paid for our largest financial debt. With one less bill to pay, we had the ability to think about our future in a way we never had. Just like that, a lifelong dream of being the person I have always wanted to be was coming true. And, with the support of my husband, we took a step of faith and I went from being Purchasing Coordinator to "Housewife".
Here's to the future and a deeper calling.
Walking Target
The past three months have been filled with more joy, more pain, more confusion, and more ups-and-downs than I ever could have imagined.
Walking into my first day of my new job, I was immediately overwhelmed with nervous excitement. Starting something that would remove 99% of the emotional stress I had been dealing with over the past year, I was anxious to have my life back.
My first day was, needless to say, exhausting. I met new faces, had a couple of meetings with my boss, and began the tasks of my position as "Purchasing Coordinator".
Let me just say, even when I applied for this position it wasn't exactly what I would have picked for my future. But, all-in-all I knew that God was leading me-tugging at my heart-to trust Him and be obedient. So, there I was.
Sitting in a quiet office space in the middle of the FOG (Financial Operations Group). I quickly got adjusted into the fast pace of my job as I would take on close to 50, 60, 80 emails in a given day. I made purchases, invoices came through and coding was accounted for. I saw everything from swimming pool requests to baby dolls come across my desk. Everyone had a beautifully creative idea for a new shirt or promotional item to witness to others. I helped create projects and process them down to the very last detail. I was busy.
With the Christmas season around the corner, joy and giving was in the air. Therefore, campuses were requested everything they could think of to express their gratitude to volunteers and team members with the perfect gift. Spreadsheets were required with numbers, formulas, and percentages I hadn't used since high school.
Despite the fact that I was getting a paycheck for all that I was doing, I never wanted this to be "just a job". I was serving my church and the ministry in a way that was honorable and pleasing to God. But, there were days that I would question, "Why, of all places, did you put me in finance?"
And, even though I didn't know what I got myself into all I could think of as I left work was, "I get to spend the entire evening with my husband. And, I get to do this again tomorrow." Therefore, my role in the finance department didn't seem quite so bad.
The first month of my role was brutal. There is something that happens-almost like clockwork-when the enemy watches you be responsive to God's will. You suddenly become a walking target. Believe me, I felt the dagger through my heart as Satan attacked all that was important to me-starting with my marriage.
Anyone that knows me, knows that I have a purpose within my marriage. And, I will be honest. Thanks to Satan, my marriage was anything but what it should have been at this point. It was, in fact, the very thing that was destroying me. The hateful words, the emotional jabs, the insecurities-they filled my marriage. My relationship was put under a microscope as I had to finally face the fact that we were not "okay". I felt like we were strangers living under one roof. For the first time in our marriage, we were on great schedules that allowed us to spend time with one another. But, this meant all the more opportunity to find things wrong.
"He doesn't understand you."
"You deserve to be treated better."
"When was the last time he made you feel valued?"
"He doesn't even care about you-much less love you."
"Why did you even get married?"
These were the questions that haunted me every single night. My thoughts got lost in the past and I began thinking about regrets. I lost sleep, lost weight, and patience. Over time, I felt helpless and believed these things that the Devil was placing within me. Until, I gave up.
Yes, I literally gave up. I thought that it didn't matter one way or the other, my marriage was falling apart. I was thankful I didn't have a child. And, I gave everything over to God. I prayed with all of my might for God to provide clarity-for Him to use this situation to benefit His will. I prayed for peace and a change.
That's when God's perfect purpose was made known. My job became hugely instrumental in mentoring me through the pain, linking me with support, and providing me with friends that were there to push me through. God molded my husband's heart and made him beautifully vulnerable to share his feelings with me. He turned from this stone cold man that I didn't want to be around to the person that I didn't want to give up on.
If only for a second, I saw a glimmer of hope that was put into action through my faith. I began to pray for him and ask God to bless our marriage. To turn my selfishness into understanding and love. To take responsibility for my part. I wanted to become the woman, the wife, I was created to be.
Walking into my first day of my new job, I was immediately overwhelmed with nervous excitement. Starting something that would remove 99% of the emotional stress I had been dealing with over the past year, I was anxious to have my life back.
My first day was, needless to say, exhausting. I met new faces, had a couple of meetings with my boss, and began the tasks of my position as "Purchasing Coordinator".
Let me just say, even when I applied for this position it wasn't exactly what I would have picked for my future. But, all-in-all I knew that God was leading me-tugging at my heart-to trust Him and be obedient. So, there I was.
Sitting in a quiet office space in the middle of the FOG (Financial Operations Group). I quickly got adjusted into the fast pace of my job as I would take on close to 50, 60, 80 emails in a given day. I made purchases, invoices came through and coding was accounted for. I saw everything from swimming pool requests to baby dolls come across my desk. Everyone had a beautifully creative idea for a new shirt or promotional item to witness to others. I helped create projects and process them down to the very last detail. I was busy.
With the Christmas season around the corner, joy and giving was in the air. Therefore, campuses were requested everything they could think of to express their gratitude to volunteers and team members with the perfect gift. Spreadsheets were required with numbers, formulas, and percentages I hadn't used since high school.
Despite the fact that I was getting a paycheck for all that I was doing, I never wanted this to be "just a job". I was serving my church and the ministry in a way that was honorable and pleasing to God. But, there were days that I would question, "Why, of all places, did you put me in finance?"
And, even though I didn't know what I got myself into all I could think of as I left work was, "I get to spend the entire evening with my husband. And, I get to do this again tomorrow." Therefore, my role in the finance department didn't seem quite so bad.
The first month of my role was brutal. There is something that happens-almost like clockwork-when the enemy watches you be responsive to God's will. You suddenly become a walking target. Believe me, I felt the dagger through my heart as Satan attacked all that was important to me-starting with my marriage.
Anyone that knows me, knows that I have a purpose within my marriage. And, I will be honest. Thanks to Satan, my marriage was anything but what it should have been at this point. It was, in fact, the very thing that was destroying me. The hateful words, the emotional jabs, the insecurities-they filled my marriage. My relationship was put under a microscope as I had to finally face the fact that we were not "okay". I felt like we were strangers living under one roof. For the first time in our marriage, we were on great schedules that allowed us to spend time with one another. But, this meant all the more opportunity to find things wrong.
"He doesn't understand you."
"You deserve to be treated better."
"When was the last time he made you feel valued?"
"He doesn't even care about you-much less love you."
"Why did you even get married?"
These were the questions that haunted me every single night. My thoughts got lost in the past and I began thinking about regrets. I lost sleep, lost weight, and patience. Over time, I felt helpless and believed these things that the Devil was placing within me. Until, I gave up.
Yes, I literally gave up. I thought that it didn't matter one way or the other, my marriage was falling apart. I was thankful I didn't have a child. And, I gave everything over to God. I prayed with all of my might for God to provide clarity-for Him to use this situation to benefit His will. I prayed for peace and a change.
That's when God's perfect purpose was made known. My job became hugely instrumental in mentoring me through the pain, linking me with support, and providing me with friends that were there to push me through. God molded my husband's heart and made him beautifully vulnerable to share his feelings with me. He turned from this stone cold man that I didn't want to be around to the person that I didn't want to give up on.
If only for a second, I saw a glimmer of hope that was put into action through my faith. I began to pray for him and ask God to bless our marriage. To turn my selfishness into understanding and love. To take responsibility for my part. I wanted to become the woman, the wife, I was created to be.
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