The Truth-of-the-matter Is

Confession four:
Marriage is hard.  It isn't always fun and games, and it certainly isn't always easy.  There are some days that make up for all of the bad, but then again there are bad days. 

If I can just be honest for a moment, I would have to admit that some days make you question every decision you ever made; and, today I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. 

No, no.  It isn't that I was a super grouch when I hopped out of bed this morning and just had a rough day.  In fact, I literally slept on the wrong side of the bed last night. 

As a family educator, I am a huge advocate of communication and resolving your problems...never go to sleep angry...always kiss goodbye...never leave without saying, "I love you".  You know, the important things.  However, I don't want you to think for a second that I'm not human.  Even more, I don't want to give the misillusion that my marriage is perfect and everything falls into place.  It doesn't.

So, when I brought up all the emotional baggage I had been holding onto for a while (yes, as we were laying in bed, after hubby had a long day at work) I experienced the joys and pitfalls of marriage at its worst.  The light humor to try to avoid from breaking down, the begging for understanding, the tears followed by hurtful words (or lack thereof)-I experienced it all.

Therefore, I was left alone in our king-sized bed after a much-needed "cool down", only to sneak my littlest puppy love onto my pillow to cuddle with.  Then, this morning was another monster. 

Who in their right mind feels like getting up when you feel like you ran an emotional marathon? 

Not this girl, that's for sure.

With a headache the size of Texas, I rolled out of bed and attempted to be productive.  I went through the motions and sobbed to my sappy Pandora playlist.  I tried to escape through the happy life of Pinterest, but it left me feeling one more disappointment.  I sat on the couch and wrestled with the mess of my life around me.  I wallowed in self-pity and choked back my tears as I fixed lunch for the very one that put me in this state of mind.  I used my frustration as energy to push through laundry and chores. I even took a shower before noon, hoping it would help to hide the saturated mess I had made of myself.  Then I waited for my husband to walk through the doors...

I decided to curl my hair and make myself presentable.

...and waited...

I put on my makeup as an excuse to stop crying.

...and waited.

I folded the laundry, put on a top that I knew he loved and plated his food so it would be perfect when he walked in the door.  Maybe then he wouldn't catch onto the fact that today was "one of those days".

Three hours later I was putting his food in the fridge following a short apology via text.

Call me old-fashioned, but what happened to having to own up to your words?  Nowadays, people can type out anything they want and hit send without having to hear the disappointment on the other end.  I don't enjoy the drama of arguing, but I surely believe in a thing called "working out your problems".  And, it is funny how people can use the silliest things as a cop out.

What happened to staying up until 6 o'clock in the morning and living on love to get you through?  Or, not wanting to stay upset at one another for a single minute because the idea of hurting one another was too much to bear?

If you were sitting here as I am writing the content of this post, you would note that I just erased three paragraphs because it turned into a personal "vent fest" about the frustrations I am feeling in my marriage.  But, I respect my husband way too much to air out our dirty laundry (aside from me admitting to being a terrible wife at times) for all of the world to see.