Day 669

Satan soon found a way to rear his ugly head in our hopes.

Come January, I began to get sick again and things went downhill. For months I went through the same cycle I knew too well. My heart broke as I knew there was nothing I could do on my own to fix me. I began to pray for God to lead me to the physicians that would provide clarity. Then, in March of this year, I was led to a specialist. They poked and prodded, drew blood and measured hormones, sent me to different facilities until they ultimately led me to this day.

April 5th I sat uncomfortable, alone, in a dark room as they examined the possibilities. I thought I was fine, but my body remembered the pain of my past as it shook in fear. It couldn't end fast enough as I was told to get dressed and they would come and get me and my husband momentarily. "I found something," he said.

Not one, but two places were back this time. Not to mention potential damage to one side that could result in removing the tube. "If you were to get pregnant right now, the baby wouldn't survive."

I remember walking out in a daze from that building. My family surrounded me, yet I felt so very alone. No one could understand at that very moment the hurt that overcame me-not even my husband.  "We just need to make sure that you're taken care of," he said.

I felt helpless and angry. Emotions consumed me as I continued to mourn the loss of my dreams.

"Why, God? When all I have ever wanted was to be a wife...to be a mom?"