Day 574

From the moment we said "I do", your daddy and I decided that we would start the journey to getting us to you.  Thus, our wedding night became day one of a very long, painful road to have you in our arms. The first year was full of ups and downs. Every month we played the waiting game as we wondered if there would be two pink lines instead of one, a plus sign, anything to indicate you were there.

October of 2011 brought about many questions. After rushing to the doctor from excruciating pain, we didn't know what to think. The doctor wasn't much help as she quickly stopped searching for answers and judged us on the fact that we wanted you so soon. I went to get a second opinion as they began running tests to find answers.  Over the screen appeared a small abnormality. Nothing to be too concerned over, but surgery was essential.

With the holidays around the corner and babies being born around us, we were forced to wait until January for me to undergo the procedure.

The surgery itself went smoothly. Aside from wooziness when waking up, I was able to go home that afternoon. All I seem to remember was sitting at my mom's dinner table (my hand on my head) looking into a bowl of my favorite Olive Garden soup for dinner. I slept off the pain, but awoke to something unexpected.

The anesthesia threw things off and I was forced to go back to the doctor when my body wasn't responding the way it should. It isn't untypical for a person's bladder to stop functioning after a medical surgery so the doctor wasn't alarmed at first.  They decided to put a catheter in and sent me home to try to help things along.

From the moment I arrived back at home, I instantly felt off.  There was a distinct "pins and needles" feeling which caused the panic to overwhelm me. I called my mom immediately as she stated the discomfort should subside and I should get some rest. Unfortunately, the pain worsened over time-so much that there was nothing I could do to make it better. I remember wanting to scream when my mom lifted me from the bed to take me back to the doctor. The tears wouldn't stop and my body shook uncontrollably. Once we arrived to the doctor, I began trying to walk while holding my stomach tight. It was hard to breathe and I couldn't seem to calm down.

As I rounded the corner from the elevator, I instantly discovered that the catheter was around my feet.  At this point, my pride was hurting worse than I was. After discussing the issue with my sister-in-law, I soon learned that the placement of the catheter could have caused permanent damage with what I had just experienced.  Knowing the damage that could have happened if the good Lord hadn't protected me, I was grateful that things turned out the way they did. And, things seemed to just get worse.

With the knowledge that the surgery was just around the corner, we made the decision to take out dual coverage on me at the beginning of that year. Paying over $200 additional a month to have a second insurance plan, we assumed we would be out little to nothing compared to the monstrous amount that was billed. Unfortunately, the bills kept coming and the insurance refused to pay. Over time, we were forced to settle at a total that was more than the original out of pocket amount on my primary insurance plan. Apparently, having a second insurance required both deductibles to be met before they would cover anything. By the time we learned all of this, we were eight months down the road-paying over $1600 for an insurance that didn't pay a dime.

Money always seems to be a factor. Just when we would get ahead, a car would break down, a plumbing issue would come up, or the dogs would get sick.  I took a pay cut to leave a job to go somewhere I just knew would be my dream job.

We continued to pray diligently that God would bless us with a child of our own, and for about eleven months following my surgery, we thought it would be soon. We took everything a day at a time and sat down at every meal and prayed for God to watch over you.

Christmas of 2012 brought more questions as our dreams were once again delayed; however, it was in one beautiful moment on Christmas Eve that the Lord blessed us with clarity of where we were supposed to travel to get to you.

China.

Somewhere halfway across the world held the key to open our hearts as we realized God was calling us to adopt from China.  We didn't know where to begin and slowly researched a little at a time to find out what needed to be done first. 

Obstacles began arising from the very moment we pulled up the requirements online:
1)Both parents must be at least 30 years of age.
"What, we are years away from bringing our little girl home."

2)There is an estimated total of $30K.
"HOW MUCH? There is no way we can afford that."

3)Children must be a minimum of 10months prior to going into the referral process.
"But...we can't have children of our own and yet I'm supposed to give up the most important time of her life when she forms attachments and learns to love?"

Thus, I instantly grew a place in my heart for you. The way you would look, your personality, and your name were constantly on my mind. I couldn't wait to meet you, yet I knew that God would lead us to you in His perfect timing. I began thinking of nursery themes and how big you would be when you came home. I started to wonder if this was all part of God's plan. Now that we decided to bring you into our family, would we have a big brother or sister for you sooner?