So I'm sitting in my Family Law class after getting my grade from my last exam back (a 105, thank you very much). Then, my professor tells us to listen to see if our name is on the following list. He names off approximately 8 students. Curiously, I listened until my name was the last one called.
Dr. E. then stated that we were exempt from the final, we made an A in his class, and we were excused for Christmas! One less test to study for AND one 'A' down?
...I'll take it!
Monday, November 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
An apology of a lifetime...
Have you ever felt the deep betrayal from a person that you have cared about? Have you given all you had to offer, only to feel inadequate and misunderstood? For three years I have lived with the pain of knowing that someone I cared so much about had torn my heart completely apart and never even cared.
I felt more than hurt. I felt humiliation towards mutual friends due to the things that were said about me. I felt anger for the lies he bought into from other people. I felt that burning feeling in the middle of my chest that you get when your heart breaks. I yearned to voice my side of things. I wanted more than anything for him to understand how much he hurt me. I held all my frustration inside and moved on with my life...all the while, wondering how such a warm-hearted person could become so cold-hearted.
Just like I always have, when he chose to walk away from me...I picked myself up and moved forward...fast forward. You never "get over" something that hurts you. You simply learn to deal and cope.
No. You don't understand how easy it becomes to let someone go when they tell you they no longer want you. When someone that you have put every ounce of your energy into...your complete and unconditional love...your loyalty...your confidence...your trust in a future with them...everything, and they walk away you learn to let them.
No. I'm not afraid of being alone. I am, put simply, afraid of staying with someone that doesn't want me. With that said, I have "moved on" in three years. I am head over heels, crazy, madly, deeply in love with someone that returns my every need. For once in my life, I am with a person that wants and strives for a future with me more than I do. For once, I am not totally consumed with the thought of marriage...the thought of someone never leaving me...the thought of someone meaning what they say. With him, I don't question it. True, I have the fear and this heart being betrayed again; however, I know that's a risk I am willing to take this time.
Just when I finally turn all of my fears over to a person...when I confide in my hurts and let go of what has happened before...just when I learn to open up and have that sincere, deeper than deep love...a weight has been lifted.
For three years I have held onto the pain of someone that I cared about before hurting me. Not only that, but he didn't even care enough to fight for me in the end. He not only let me walk away...he let me stay gone. He never talked to me again...until today.
Out-of-the-blue, I received an unexpected letter. His simple words felt sincere as he stated that he wanted to apologize. Yes, my hands were shaky, my eyes filled up with tears, and for once I felt like my prayers had been answered. All of my hurt could be pushed aside. I was at peace in my life. I can open up my heart and realize that sometimes...people really are who you believe them to be.
I felt more than hurt. I felt humiliation towards mutual friends due to the things that were said about me. I felt anger for the lies he bought into from other people. I felt that burning feeling in the middle of my chest that you get when your heart breaks. I yearned to voice my side of things. I wanted more than anything for him to understand how much he hurt me. I held all my frustration inside and moved on with my life...all the while, wondering how such a warm-hearted person could become so cold-hearted.
Just like I always have, when he chose to walk away from me...I picked myself up and moved forward...fast forward. You never "get over" something that hurts you. You simply learn to deal and cope.
No. You don't understand how easy it becomes to let someone go when they tell you they no longer want you. When someone that you have put every ounce of your energy into...your complete and unconditional love...your loyalty...your confidence...your trust in a future with them...everything, and they walk away you learn to let them.
No. I'm not afraid of being alone. I am, put simply, afraid of staying with someone that doesn't want me. With that said, I have "moved on" in three years. I am head over heels, crazy, madly, deeply in love with someone that returns my every need. For once in my life, I am with a person that wants and strives for a future with me more than I do. For once, I am not totally consumed with the thought of marriage...the thought of someone never leaving me...the thought of someone meaning what they say. With him, I don't question it. True, I have the fear and this heart being betrayed again; however, I know that's a risk I am willing to take this time.
Just when I finally turn all of my fears over to a person...when I confide in my hurts and let go of what has happened before...just when I learn to open up and have that sincere, deeper than deep love...a weight has been lifted.
For three years I have held onto the pain of someone that I cared about before hurting me. Not only that, but he didn't even care enough to fight for me in the end. He not only let me walk away...he let me stay gone. He never talked to me again...until today.
Out-of-the-blue, I received an unexpected letter. His simple words felt sincere as he stated that he wanted to apologize. Yes, my hands were shaky, my eyes filled up with tears, and for once I felt like my prayers had been answered. All of my hurt could be pushed aside. I was at peace in my life. I can open up my heart and realize that sometimes...people really are who you believe them to be.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Film...
Today I had the most amazing experience of developing my first roll(s) of film. How fun! It definitely takes more than I expected, but it was well worth the time. Seriously, you spend close to an hour going through all of these steps just to get the exposures to process. The whole process makes you so anxious. Am I doing it right? What if I forget a step? What if I leave it in too long/short? What if i touch the film!? Boy, oh boy...it was nerve wrecking!
Would you believe it? My film was beautiful! Out of 48 prints, I have AT LEAST 40 GREAT exposures to choose from to enlarge and print. I am so excited! More than that, now I know that my camera is right on target so I can shoot whatever I please. Woo hoo for my next photo shoot.
Would you believe it? My film was beautiful! Out of 48 prints, I have AT LEAST 40 GREAT exposures to choose from to enlarge and print. I am so excited! More than that, now I know that my camera is right on target so I can shoot whatever I please. Woo hoo for my next photo shoot.
Friday, August 28, 2009
I work in an amazing office...
...except
It is on the basement level of the building...
...without windows.
So, I stepped away for about a 5 minute break to look outside. It was so nice to see you, my Sunshine.
It is on the basement level of the building...
...without windows.
So, I stepped away for about a 5 minute break to look outside. It was so nice to see you, my Sunshine.
Dear Life...
Goodmorning New Day,
I love the blue-skies and sunshine you chose to wear today. I, on the other hand, wasn't ready to wake up this morning, and I'm sure you can tell by the lazy-look I put on. You must have changed a thousand times today, because at first glance I thought you where wearing fog with your dewy grass. Let me tell you, I like this look much better on you. Don't get me wrong, you looked beautiful in your grey skies yesterday, and the lightning really topped it off. Actually, I had a wonderful day spending time with you. Sometimes you just need a little change.
I tell you what, you always are a great friend. I love knowing that no matter what, you are always there when I wake up the next morning. I know I don't tell you enough, but thank you for that. I tend to be wrapped up in everything sometimes, and I forget that I just wouldn't be me if it weren't for you being here every day.
It's like you always know exactly how to make me feel better. I have never in my life, met someone like you. Just when I need to be cheered up, you turn on the sunshine. Just when my heart aches and pain strikes, you fire up a bolt of lightning and you cry with me. You offer a whisper of wind when I need advice. You can flip a switch and you are a perfect listener on a calming day.
I mean, take today for example. It was a rough night last night, and you knew I wasn't feeling too great. After tossing and turning and this little ache keeping me up all night, I just wanted to hold on to the night. Six-thirty came too soon. But you, selfless as always, managed to put on your biggest, brightest sunshine just as I was having a weak moment . I loved just listening to you on my way to work. Without saying a word, you can make me feel a million times better.
On top of that, you know that I love it when you sing to me. As soon as I hopped into my car, you turned up singing just what I needed to hear. Your words can always speak to my heart. Just knowing I had the chance to spend a forty-minute drive with you at your best made me happy.
And, whether you meant it or not, you told me I didn't need to wear makeup today. Thank you for that. I will give you the benefit of the doubt and trust your judgment. You know, it is pretty nice not having to worry about anything. I still couldn't shake hiding behind the glasses though, but I'll get there someday. I know, I know...I need to stop worrying about what everyone around me thinks. It's just so difficult with all of these people walking around you all day. I mean, you still look as gorgeous as the day I first met you. You can wear whatever you want, act however you want, and even when people complain...you don't change who you are. Believe me, I don't know how you do it.
Thank you for everything you do for me. It's one of those times, and I need you today. There's no need to repeat everything, but I'm having a hard time with the same-old, same-old. I wish I could do lunch with you today. I'll have to call you after class so you can walk me to my car. I'll talk to you soon.
Love always,
B
I love the blue-skies and sunshine you chose to wear today. I, on the other hand, wasn't ready to wake up this morning, and I'm sure you can tell by the lazy-look I put on. You must have changed a thousand times today, because at first glance I thought you where wearing fog with your dewy grass. Let me tell you, I like this look much better on you. Don't get me wrong, you looked beautiful in your grey skies yesterday, and the lightning really topped it off. Actually, I had a wonderful day spending time with you. Sometimes you just need a little change.
I tell you what, you always are a great friend. I love knowing that no matter what, you are always there when I wake up the next morning. I know I don't tell you enough, but thank you for that. I tend to be wrapped up in everything sometimes, and I forget that I just wouldn't be me if it weren't for you being here every day.
It's like you always know exactly how to make me feel better. I have never in my life, met someone like you. Just when I need to be cheered up, you turn on the sunshine. Just when my heart aches and pain strikes, you fire up a bolt of lightning and you cry with me. You offer a whisper of wind when I need advice. You can flip a switch and you are a perfect listener on a calming day.
I mean, take today for example. It was a rough night last night, and you knew I wasn't feeling too great. After tossing and turning and this little ache keeping me up all night, I just wanted to hold on to the night. Six-thirty came too soon. But you, selfless as always, managed to put on your biggest, brightest sunshine just as I was having a weak moment . I loved just listening to you on my way to work. Without saying a word, you can make me feel a million times better.
On top of that, you know that I love it when you sing to me. As soon as I hopped into my car, you turned up singing just what I needed to hear. Your words can always speak to my heart. Just knowing I had the chance to spend a forty-minute drive with you at your best made me happy.
And, whether you meant it or not, you told me I didn't need to wear makeup today. Thank you for that. I will give you the benefit of the doubt and trust your judgment. You know, it is pretty nice not having to worry about anything. I still couldn't shake hiding behind the glasses though, but I'll get there someday. I know, I know...I need to stop worrying about what everyone around me thinks. It's just so difficult with all of these people walking around you all day. I mean, you still look as gorgeous as the day I first met you. You can wear whatever you want, act however you want, and even when people complain...you don't change who you are. Believe me, I don't know how you do it.
Thank you for everything you do for me. It's one of those times, and I need you today. There's no need to repeat everything, but I'm having a hard time with the same-old, same-old. I wish I could do lunch with you today. I'll have to call you after class so you can walk me to my car. I'll talk to you soon.
Love always,
B
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Hurt
Hurt, anger, frustration,
I'm overwhelmed with my life.
Let me out of this body.
Take me.
Lord, I'm out of it.
I'm out of the loop...
Out of myself...
Out of everything.
I want out of this life.
Lord, help me.
Help me breathe...
Help me live...
Help me make it out.
I want to run.
Lord, I want to run to you,
Away from hurt...
Away from pain...
Away from people, my enemies...
Away from who I am,
Just away.
Take me Lord.
Take me to your arms.
Lift me up,
Up to the stars...
Up to the sunshine...
Up to you.
I cry, weep, wail
I can't stop.
My throat hurts.
I'm drowning,
Drowning in my own tears.
I can't breathe...
Can't talk...
I just cry.
Lord, I hate so much.
I never hate anything.
I hate the violence around me...
The sin.
I hate the path I'm stuck on.
I hate them hurting me.
I hate me.
Lord, hold me.
Hold my heart...
My life...
My body...
Embrace me.
I don't want to leave your arms.
I want to stay with you.
Let me stay.
Keep me.
Don't make me come down.
I just want to stay.
I wake up,
A dream.
I feel like I'm in a nightmare.
It's real.
Oh Lord, it's real.
I can't wake up.
Wake me up!
Let me go back to you!
Please...
Oh please...
I want to be with you.
I don't want to be here.
I'm barely alive inside,
Barely here.
I'm just walking around.
I'm just a fake heartbeat.
Lord, please.
Hurt, anger, frustration,
I'm overwhelmed with my life.
I'm overwhelmed with my life.
Let me out of this body.
Take me.
Lord, I'm out of it.
I'm out of the loop...
Out of myself...
Out of everything.
I want out of this life.
Lord, help me.
Help me breathe...
Help me live...
Help me make it out.
I want to run.
Lord, I want to run to you,
Away from hurt...
Away from pain...
Away from people, my enemies...
Away from who I am,
Just away.
Take me Lord.
Take me to your arms.
Lift me up,
Up to the stars...
Up to the sunshine...
Up to you.
I cry, weep, wail
I can't stop.
My throat hurts.
I'm drowning,
Drowning in my own tears.
I can't breathe...
Can't talk...
I just cry.
Lord, I hate so much.
I never hate anything.
I hate the violence around me...
The sin.
I hate the path I'm stuck on.
I hate them hurting me.
I hate me.
Lord, hold me.
Hold my heart...
My life...
My body...
Embrace me.
I don't want to leave your arms.
I want to stay with you.
Let me stay.
Keep me.
Don't make me come down.
I just want to stay.
I wake up,
A dream.
I feel like I'm in a nightmare.
It's real.
Oh Lord, it's real.
I can't wake up.
Wake me up!
Let me go back to you!
Please...
Oh please...
I want to be with you.
I don't want to be here.
I'm barely alive inside,
Barely here.
I'm just walking around.
I'm just a fake heartbeat.
Lord, please.
Hurt, anger, frustration,
I'm overwhelmed with my life.
I am
I am just a little girl, with such an undeserving love.
I wonder if people see Him living in me.
I hear the constant teasing,
I know my Lord will be with me...
...forever.
I want to stand before my "Daddy," and crawl into His lap.
I am just a little girl, with such an undeserving love.
I pretend I'm really strong.
I feel so very weak.
I touch my Savior's precious hand.
I worry what comes next.
I cry when I see all the pain around me.
I am just a little girl, with such an undeserving love.
I understand the love in my comes from only God.
I say that God is love.
I dream of the day I'll be with Him.
I try so hard for others to see the faith I have for Him.
I hope someday they will trust Him too, and put their life in His hands.
I am just a little girl, with such an undeserving love.
I wonder if people see Him living in me.
I hear the constant teasing,
I know my Lord will be with me...
...forever.
I want to stand before my "Daddy," and crawl into His lap.
I am just a little girl, with such an undeserving love.
I pretend I'm really strong.
I feel so very weak.
I touch my Savior's precious hand.
I worry what comes next.
I cry when I see all the pain around me.
I am just a little girl, with such an undeserving love.
I understand the love in my comes from only God.
I say that God is love.
I dream of the day I'll be with Him.
I try so hard for others to see the faith I have for Him.
I hope someday they will trust Him too, and put their life in His hands.
I am just a little girl, with such an undeserving love.
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