Have you ever felt the deep betrayal from a person that you have cared about? Have you given all you had to offer, only to feel inadequate and misunderstood? For three years I have lived with the pain of knowing that someone I cared so much about had torn my heart completely apart and never even cared.
I felt more than hurt. I felt humiliation towards mutual friends due to the things that were said about me. I felt anger for the lies he bought into from other people. I felt that burning feeling in the middle of my chest that you get when your heart breaks. I yearned to voice my side of things. I wanted more than anything for him to understand how much he hurt me. I held all my frustration inside and moved on with my life...all the while, wondering how such a warm-hearted person could become so cold-hearted.
Just like I always have, when he chose to walk away from me...I picked myself up and moved forward...fast forward. You never "get over" something that hurts you. You simply learn to deal and cope.
No. You don't understand how easy it becomes to let someone go when they tell you they no longer want you. When someone that you have put every ounce of your energy into...your complete and unconditional love...your loyalty...your confidence...your trust in a future with them...everything, and they walk away you learn to let them.
No. I'm not afraid of being alone. I am, put simply, afraid of staying with someone that doesn't want me. With that said, I have "moved on" in three years. I am head over heels, crazy, madly, deeply in love with someone that returns my every need. For once in my life, I am with a person that wants and strives for a future with me more than I do. For once, I am not totally consumed with the thought of marriage...the thought of someone never leaving me...the thought of someone meaning what they say. With him, I don't question it. True, I have the fear and this heart being betrayed again; however, I know that's a risk I am willing to take this time.
Just when I finally turn all of my fears over to a person...when I confide in my hurts and let go of what has happened before...just when I learn to open up and have that sincere, deeper than deep love...a weight has been lifted.
For three years I have held onto the pain of someone that I cared about before hurting me. Not only that, but he didn't even care enough to fight for me in the end. He not only let me walk away...he let me stay gone. He never talked to me again...until today.
Out-of-the-blue, I received an unexpected letter. His simple words felt sincere as he stated that he wanted to apologize. Yes, my hands were shaky, my eyes filled up with tears, and for once I felt like my prayers had been answered. All of my hurt could be pushed aside. I was at peace in my life. I can open up my heart and realize that sometimes...people really are who you believe them to be.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment