So It Begins

After a couple of weeks of waiting, and determining whether the lack of a phone call from the doctor was a sign or not, I decided to follow-up with my doctor's office.  I remembered giving my new cell number and insurance information over the phone, but I feared it had been tossed aside in the hustle-and-bustle of the medical industry.  Sure enough, they noted that they had tried calling a couple of times but were unable to reach us.

They updated our numbers and stated that they had a "start date" available for the week of October 20th.  In IVF, they base everything off of the egg retrieval and work backwards accordingly.  I questioned whether or not we would be able to come up with the remaining money by that time, but I knew from past experience that you never base major decisions off of money.  Therefore, we signed up for "the beginning of the end" as we prayed that this was the answer to our prayers.

Friday, August 29, 2014
9:00am

The following day I walked into the office for my first draw of blood work.  There was a sense of nervousness and excitement that came over me as I knew we were officially starting treatment.

After much discussion, Joshua and I had decided not to tell our families until we had a successful pregnancy.  We already miss out on so much of the fun that comes along with pregnancy in general.  There will be no "big surprise" as I randomly feel queasy and take a test.  We will be expecting good news or bad news.  There will be no "big reveal" as I get to tell my husband for the first time, "You're going to be a dad!"  And, there's a sense of sadness that you feel when you miss out on those special moments.  Therefore, we wanted our families to still enjoy the element of surprise...to be able to tell them, "You're an aunt, uncle, grandparent!"

Immediately following my appointment, I took the opportunity to go visit some old co-workers downtown.  I welcomed the opportunity to see some comforting faces.

That night we met a few new friends downtown at an event called H & 8th.  It was so nice to enjoy ourselves with good food and company.

Waiting

The next few weeks began an emotional period of waiting.

I continued to teach on Thursday evenings and went to substitute training at my hometown as I wondered where the money would come from.  

"If I sub a couple of times a month, that could take care of..."

My head was spinning.

I buried myself into cleaning the house and rearranging as I sold items (kitchen table, decor, workout machine) to add to our bank account.  Any opportunity to pick up extra shifts at work, I took.

Now, there is something to be said about going through infertility struggles.  Unless you have been there, and everyone's journey is different, it is difficult to put yourself in their shoes.

As an outsider, you think to yourself, "God's timing is perfect."
Or, "when you stop trying it will happen."
Then, there's my favorite, "Be glad you don't have kids yet, because everything changes when you do."

We have had friends that can look at each other and have another baby.

Some people decided they want a child, go off their birth control, and two months later have a positive pregnancy test.

Others wait for a while and wonder why it isn't happening, go to the doctor, realize there is nothing wrong, stop stressing out about it, and get pregnant.

Then there are the miracles that happen when two people try for years, pray for a baby, get ready to go through surgery, discover they have been miraculously healed, and find out they are pregnant.

Then, there is us.

Joshua and I have officially tried for more than three years, gone through multiple procedures, changed our diet and lifestyle, quit stressful jobs that were toxic to our health, lived on nothing but a prayer, and we are still waiting.

This, I believe, is the hardest part of our journey.