The day I was approached to compete at Mrs. Oklahoma was the same day that I said, "No". I remember getting the email asking if I would be interested in participating and immediately thinking, "Who me?" I even laughed it off when I shared with my husband that I was asked.
Serious as he could be, he simply said, "You totally should".
"Wait, what? I'm four foot ten, have never been in a pageant, and don't have a talent."
Every single insecurity made its way to the surface.
-You aren't tall enough.
-You're nose is too big and scrunches when you smile.
-You are flat-chested and have a rib-cage that makes up for it.
-Your legs are too wide.
The list could have gone on and on (and on). Every negative thing that one person ever said about me suddenly became my reality. My perception of myself was that I wasn't "good enough" because of the opinions of others.
Now, to say that I didn't consider it would be a lie. I think every little girl imagines of being a princess and wearing a crown. To get all dolled up and be recognized was incredibly appealing, but my fears outweighed any hope that I had. I fed into the lies that the world had told me and completely forgot about what God thought.
That day I battled with thoughts of excitement and concern. Then, I remembered a dear co-worker, Ginger, that had shared her intent to compete this year. I wanted to talk to her, but at the same time I was certainly not going to step on any toes or steal her thunder. I brushed it off and made up my mind that it was silly to even consider it.
Then, my phone went off.
It was Ginger. She was checking on me on my newest endeavor in life. That's when I knew I had to say something. I shared what had happened about being approached and that I wasn't going to do it. I expected a sigh of relief on the other end, but I received quite the opposite. She encouraged me and told me what a great opportunity it would be. I voiced my concerns and fears and she spoke life over me by building me up in my strengths.
Even after her support, I hadn't been persuaded to change my mind. We discussed how we are our own worst critics, and even this beautiful red-head on the other end of the phone had doubts of her beauty. I knew if this was something God wanted me to do, He would make it clear to me. I prayed that night and asked for clarity and direction.
Then, I felt God redirect my thoughts. I hardly slept that night and I felt ashamed that I was picking out all of my flaws rather than crediting Him with all the good He put within me. I realized that His perfect timing had never faltered before, and it was up to me to take that first step. It was up to me to allow Him to use me, to stretch me, and to guide me…even if it wasn’t comfortable.
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