In the new life of a homemaker, I'm slowly realizing the beauty of living outside of a schedule. Although I wouldn't consider myself a morning person, I'm not exactly a night owl either. In fact, I tend to work best after slightly sleeping in and drain myself along with the sunshine. Speaking of sunshine, there isn't much to be found here in Oklahoma right now as we are enjoying the snowflakes in the sky and the white on the ground.
But, somewhere between the hours of 8 o'clock in the morning and 5 o'clock in the evening, I have managed to be incredibly productive in my own home. In fact, as I mentioned before-I have done more cleaning, organizing, and cooking in the last week than I can remember.
With the bills paid and filed away, I found myself sitting down and putting pen to the paper for our ever-changing budget. Although I had crunched the numbers a time or two before putting in my resignation, there was a certain anxiety that had overwhelmed me by not having the experience before.
How much would our meals really be if we ate in rather than out? How much would all of those groceries cost to replace that habit?
Can I really stay at home all day and not be bored out of my mind? If not, how do we cut back on gas money so I can still get out during the day? Not to mention, I may need to be trapped inside to avoid getting sick or hurt until we get medical insurance for me.
Wait, how much is that going to cost?
Despite not having exact answers for all of our questions, we knew we were being obedient to follow the blessing God had provided and took a step of faith.
Now, let me be honest. I know there is more to staying at home than I have experienced. And, if truth-be-told, I would admit that it feels more like a vacation at this point than a permanent move. It feels like a snow day. I don't know how long it will take for reality to hit, but I'm just waiting for the day I realize I don't have to go back to work.
However, while I have enjoyed my first week at home I have made observations during this reflective time. It's exciting to rediscover the real me.
First of all, I love cooking. I love everything about being in the kitchen (aside from sharp knives and mandolins) and cannot wait to try something new and experience the joy of success. BUT, I am not always a good cook. In fact, I am guilty of scraping off burnt marks on some of my meat and making a meal that is much prettier than it is tasty. Although, it isn't always pretty either.
In fact, I am a very messy cook. My husband can testify that I have reasoned over this for the past five years. Why waste time cooking to stop and clean, when you can finish what you started and clean while it cooks? However, I am trying very hard to be better at this and keep the kitchen clean so I don't have to mop the floors after every meal. I must say, somehow I have managed to get all the dishes done after each meal and keep the kitchen looking tidy. And, a certain sense of accomplishment comes with that.
But, if I continue in this direction, we will be 500 pounds when all is said and done. Born in raised in the Heartland, I love southern cooking. Taking after my sweet Gramma, I have made some of the most delicious comfort food and am pretty proud of it (most of the time). Then again, my sweet hubby has the genes of perfection and can eat whatever he wants and still have a six pack. I, on the other hand, am not quite as blessed. Therefore, it is my goal to work at creating yummy dishes that are also healthy.
Don't come a knocking, because I won't be ready. It is very easy to lose track of time. Without a strict schedule to follow, you tend to get caught up in everything and still be in your jammies long after noon. Okay, so I generalized that statement because I'm hoping that I'm not the only one that hasn't showered all morning. With a type A personality, it is a little liberating to free myself of the cares of the world and focus on my little family.
Ambition gets you only as far as actions. I find myself thinking most of all as I lay in bed at night. The hamster wheel turns and somehow I can come up with a million things that need to be done. This creates a sense of urgency within me and I find it incredibly difficult to sleep. Unfortunately, the lamp oil runs out and all of those thoughts disappear when morning comes. Despite my best efforts, I am realizing that all of those intentions only get you to where you choose to act. And, this may be one of those growth areas that I will have to work on.
With so few people to talk to, and focusing on all of these exciting things to come in the future, I am having to ask God to remind me to be content with where I am. I wake up in a prayer and find myself relying so heavily on my faith to get me through some days. It's not that I don't fully enjoy where I am, because I really am loving our new life. It is simply the fact that I see the potential rather than focusing on the present. I have always been a dreamer, and this is such a humbling experience to appreciate the little things as well. I am incredibly reminiscent of what it took to get me here and value soaking in each day so it, too, can be part of my journey.
There are so many things that I could ramble on (and on) about right now. I have discovered fulfillment in something as small as making my bed each day. I could probably write an entire entry just on how that has changed me. One of the biggest challenges I am facing right now is how to achieve everything that is placed in my heart. I am finding more than anything that God has filled me with so many desires to accomplish in my lifetime. I cannot thank Him enough for entrusting me with the passions that I have and the time to pursue them. I pray that I can live in such a way that turns the loves of my life into my lifestyle, the growths into challenges to defeat, and the ambitions into reality.
Here is to creating my tomorrow.
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