Getting Over My Pride

Part One

As a little girl, I had two of the biggest role models in my life-my Momma and my Gramma.  Both of these inspirational figures stayed home with their children from a young age.  In reality, I saw them as the wonder women they were.  They somehow managed to keep up with more than just the housework, which was a fulltime job in itself.  In fact, I knew that their "job" could never be valued with a dollar amount.

Over time, I began to desire the same values that my family had placed within me.  I wanted, more than anything, to be a stay-at-home mom.  I dreamt of having a huge family, complete with messy dishes and stained furniture.  No, I didn't desire perfection-although cleanliness is important to me.  I valued the important things.  I wanted to train up my children in a way that they would know that love was the greatest thing in life.  I wanted a husband that was not just a mate, but was my partner-in-crime...my best friend.  Someone I could laugh with, cry with, and be accepted for the person I was.

I began dating these dreams years ago.  I searched far and wide and tried to make everything work with anyone that got close.  I had the vision.  I was going to get married fresh out of high school to a good man, gain an education to apply to my personal life, and start having children to begin our incredibly large and blessed family. 

Amidst my dating extravaganzas, I began to compromise who I really was.  My standards were lowered as time slipped away.  I began questioning my value.  What was I really worth?  No one wanted me.  They made promises and backed out.  I tried to hold onto a lie over and over again. 

True, God always placed someone in my life at just the right moment to help me gain a level-head.  When I got too far away from what was really important, God always used them to pull me back into the truth and shake the poor decisions I had made.  Every now and again, I become reminiscent of the joy that was brought into my life in a hugely instrumental way through them.  And, I wouldn't be who I am today without them.