Thursday, April 9, 2009

Don't Walk, Run

Put one foot in front of the other
Slowly walking
A light changes, bringing a sense of urgency
The world stops for no one
Run

Winds can pick up instantly
Sunshine is shadowed with darkness
Just like the thunder...the lightning you loved so much
Just as quickly as you came...you're gone

It was a simple smile from a quiet boy
Your mood always seemed so gray
But deep inside
I saw straight through
My Sunshine you became

We sat and learned in spaces shared
Worlds apart we stood
I was different than you
Outgoing, true
But we were more alike than you knew
Alone

Over the years I gave parts of me
My words...my heart...myself
Losing that innocence I longed for so much
It slipped away with time

But...
There you were
Always in the background
Always by my side
You watched me get trampled on
You watched me get hurt
You watched from a distance until I ran to you

I needed you to depend on
To lean on
To walk to
I longed for all you offered-forever
But I pushed you away and I ran

I ran until the day I let myself care
I reached out to you
Stop
You held me
The warmth surprisingly felt different than the closeness I had known before
You gave me a safe place
But...
I turned around and walked away

One more heartbreak
Another piece of me torn away
He was a stranger to me
Someone I barely knew
And as my world moved forward with him
Stop
I ran to you

The cap was thrown

We looked out to a time of new beginnings

In our first embrace on a special day

But it was then that I walked away to him


You were always a phone call away

I knew I could call you any time of day

I shared my heart, my soul, my pain

You picked me up off of the ground

I found shelter in the palm of your hand

The tears were replaced with laughter

Don't walk, run to me


Our worlds suddenly shifted

We jumped off the cliff

The water was too deep

You were too far to reach...to hear

We were in over our heads

We were angry

The tide was pulling us different ways

You reached for someone close

I clung to him

I thought he brought me my future

We gave ourselves so quickly

You walked away from her

But I was with him


Somehow we managed to find each other

We were different...changed

Moving forward in this fast-paced thing called life

Planning ahead to go our separate ways

All the while-our friendship remained

Slowly, we ran our marathon together



Then one night beneath the stars

The hidden feelings were revealed

We talked and walked along the sand

I opened my heart

You reached out your hand

But instead...I turned

My tears hit the ground

And just as the waves washed them away

My heart ached inside

I had to be loyal
I had to be strong

I simply...walked away



Days apart turned to weeks

Weeks apart became months

Seasons and plans changed

My heart remained on that beach

Under those stars

It was easy to call you

Easy to want you

Easy to run to your arms


A long drive with thoughts racing

My heart pounded out of my chest

I was finally where I needed to be

It was you-just you

But...I wasn't ready

I was scared to give into my wants, my dreams

To have everything I wanted with you

Everything I knew you would be to me

To have you, to have us-finally



My heart was healing

I was grieving

I was trying to move on

I knew it was up to me to say yes

I was the one to tell my heart to move forward

Get on with my life

Stop

He was here

He asked for a change

Why not?
I always had before

Daily he proved I could go on

You-always a thought in my mind-were there



I can't hurt you

I don't deserve you

I don't trust myself with your love

I knew what could be would be perfect

I knew you would forever be true

I knew you were the person I should have been with from day one

The person I should have waited for


But...I was used and thrown away

I regretted who I was every day

I gave into the person standing before me

Someone I could see wanting me

Someone with bumps and bruises from hurts along the way

Someone who wasn't you



I know now that it's harder

It's so much harder without you

They don't know me the way you did

They don't treat me like you did

You were my best friend

The only person I could count on being there for me

The only person that remained loyal

You showed me true love

You showed me how to care for a person...no matter what



Like petals falling

Wilting

The storms of the years are closing in

I'm beaten and used

The rain pushed me down

I wanted to be different

So pure...desired...lily white

I've had the rain

Lord,

Please bring in the Sunshine



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