Time Changes Everything

It's amazing how quickly time flies by when you sit down and actually think about it.  When I got on my blog today, I was a little shocked that my last post stated 2011.  "That can't be right," I instantly thought as I started scrolling down to see if it was a typo.  Sure enough, it has been over a year since the last time I sat down in front of a computer screen and put my thoughts into words. My how much has happened.

 Since August of 2011, a lot has happened.  It is difficult to think back to what all the world has missed from our tedious lives.  Towards the end of 2011, we were blessed with the youngest addition to our sweet little family.  Ellington Louise (Elloise for short) fits in just perfectly with her our other two fur babies.  Elloise has had a tough start to her young life, being found beside the street in the heart of OKC she was picked up and loved by her foster parents in Edmond, OK.  From the very first time I saw her big brown eyes on a post from a rescue website, I fell in love with her. My sweet hubby has been wanting another pup ever since we had to say goodbye to our 3 year old boxer due to leukemia.  Not ready to have a third mouth to feed, I wasn't even looking to have another dog around.  God, on the other hand, had a different plan.  Elloise is a beautiful, fawn colored boxer that was nothing but skin and bones when she was rescued.  When we first met her, she instantly came up to me.  I didn't want to leave her!  We gave her foster family one more night with her and tears were shed from the kiddos when we finally picked her up.  How hard that must have been for them!  We are very fortunate that they were able to open up their hearts and home to take care of her as if she would be with them forever.  Thankfully, we are the ones she gets to come home to and we couldn't feel more blessed.

Speaking of coming home, our house is becoming a home with real walls, paint, and the most beautiful wood floors I've ever laid eyes on. The scratches on the surface tell the stories of the times we get to play with our sweet pups and allow ourselves to actually live in our house. Hubby has done such a great job remodeling everything in our house, and we officially have a kitchen. Not just any kitchen, however, we have the most perfect kitchen complete with a pink Kitchenaid mixer. The very mixer that has made several desserts over the last few months to celebrate some very special birthdays.

One birthday cake in particular would be that of our sweet little nephew.  September of 2011 our little Krew Boo turned a year old...and now he's a toddler!  It's hard to believe that he has gone from a baby bump on my adorable sister-in-law to a little man. And boy is he a daddy's boy! Although it took some time for him to warm up, he is finally coming around and loves on me anytime I am near.  We are officially named "uncle" and "aunt B".  I hope he never outgrows that! 

I remember like it was yesterday when my precious niece Zoie was going around calling me "Bitty".  Can't they just stay that way forever!?  I know, I know.  They will grow up, just like we have over the years.  To think, Zoie is already six years old, teeth missing and all!

Speaking of missing teeth.  It's been a few years since my toothless incident, but last Christmas was full of more blessings with family and friends, and this year we cannot begin to express the appreciation we have for each of our loved ones.  We are given a roof over our heads, a warm bed to lay our heads, and full bellies.  Not to mention full hearts and an overabundance of our wants as well as our needs.  This year we were able to see my greats (my Papaw's siblings), my grands (both sets of grandparents), and our immediate families.  It was so great to spend Christmas Eve with everyone again.  All of the cousins in one house with enough food to feed an army, it felt just like it should. Then, we were able to go to Christmas Eve service at our hometown church.  It is so nice to have come from the same church so that both my parents and in-laws and siblings can all spend time together.  After church, we opening presents with the little ones at my husband's parents'.  Krew just loved his little glowing turtle we got him!  He is so smart, too!  Wrapping up the evening, we headed back to my parents' house to make our bed (consisting of blankets and pillows on the living room floor) just in time for Santa. 

How wonderful that we were all together for a white Christmas Day!  Oh, I forgot to mention just who "we all" are.  This past year we have added one more special person to the third row of the car.  My big sister finally met the man we have been praying for. After years of heartaches and disappointments, she finally met the person that would take care of her heart.  And, after months of dating, I am happy to say this man will soon be my big brother.  Yes, my big sister is finally getting married.  More than that, my precious niece is finally getting the daddy she has always deserved. After her Mr. Right purchased the beautiful diamond ring, we had the honor of hiding out in the trees of downtown OKC to photograph the entire engagement. Sometimes I wonder which one of us had more happy tears.

So this year, when "we" all got together it was extra special for each of us.  Birthday parties, soccer games, the pumpkin patch or day trips, caroling in the car singing along to Michael Buble' to see the Christmas lights, and family dinners are just a few of the things I will never forget.

In fact, it's amazing how many things happened this year that I can recall as I type this.  The birth of my best friend's baby (that requires a post all of its own), our first anniversary, a brand new job, and the life changing decision for our family to become adoptive parents.  Which leads me to this post. 

This year has had several ups and downs, with more blessings than I could ever account for.  However, the biggest down we have faced is the heart wrenching disappointment that has come from personal fertility struggles. 

From the time we first started dating, my husband was different than any other person I had ever known. He was older, more mature and anxious to have a family together.  After knowing each other for more than twenty years, he knew what he was getting himself into...and he wanted me. We knew the second he slipped that ring onto my little finger we wanted to start a family.  Then, came the disappointment.

After having surgery at the beginning of this year, our family has been faced with the constant battle of praying each month will be different.  Now, let me say this disclaimer.  We need a child in our house like we need a hole in our head.  With me in my early twenties, fresh out of college with a big girl job in my field, I know there is still time left before having a child.  And,with hubby in a dead end job looking at going back to school and remodeling a home, we may not be in the best place financially to have another human mouth to feed.  However, we both want so badly to be parents and we could certainly do it. And, I deeply believe that money is the last thing you should consider when you are following God's plan for your life. 

Seeing the way my husband looks at our nieces and nephew makes me love him more.  It shows me just a glimpse of how he will be as a father.  And let me say this, he will be the best daddy any child could ever ask for.  But, something that should come so easily, so natural--doesn't.  The one thing that should just happen--doesn't.   I cannot give my husband the very thing he desires, and that. just. hurts.  Even more, after years of studying for my degree learning every miraculous thing that goes on through an infant's development, every precious thing a mom gets to feel, every change she experiences...the thought makes me ache.

So here I am. 

As much as I would love to pour my heart and soul out sharing every frustration that comes from not being able to have a child of my very own, I won't.  And as much as I would like to scream at the top of my lungs to each and every one of my friends or strangers that have been blessed with one or more children that they are the luckiest people in the world...and to never to take their children (or pregnancy) for granted, I will resist the temptation.  Instead, I want to start this blog for my children.  So that one day they may look back and know how very, very  much they were loved.  They were loved so much so, that they were thought of and prayed for for years before they were even in existence.  They were cried for, longed for, and hoped for every single day from their parents.  And, most importantly, that no matter how they came to be a part of our family, they are ours.  YOU, my precious child, are our baby.

How very scary it is to think about the journey that lies ahead of us to get to you.  Your daddy told me that he wanted to bring you home to us all the way from China.  China is very far away from the United States, and we don't know what you will experience while you are there or how long it will be until we get to see you.  I do know that you had a mommy and daddy before you had us.  They loved you so, very much that they were able to choose to have you rather than harm you.  And, although I never felt you in my tummy like she did, this mommy grew you in her heart for much longer than you could imagine.  I have dreamt of you since I was a little girl. I have thought about braiding your hair and dressing you up when I was playing dress-up myself. I could go broke buying you all of the beautiful things they have for little girls here.  And, I promise that we will try very hard so that you may have things like these. But baby girl, you need to know that none of those pretty things make up who you are as a person.  In fact, they don't even make up your beauty.  God loves you so much and gave you the opportunity to choose the person you want to be.  It is up to you to choose what is right and wrong. Mommy, Daddy and God will all love you in a way that is unconditional.  This means that no matter what choices you make, you will still be our little girl. However, the beauty that you will desperately search for as all little girls do comes from within.  It comes from the decisions you make and how you live your life to glorify God.  He has given us a very special and important role in your life.  He has given you to us so that we may teach you about Him.  He knew you before you were even placed into your old mommy's tummy.  He knew you before even I was born (which was a very long time ago).  He knows you right now as you are when I am sitting in a room half a world away thinking about you.  Our hearts hurt waiting for you and we wish we could hold you in our arms right now, but God also has perfect timing.  He has a plan that is bigger than any of the things you will ever dream about.  So, always remember that He knows best.  I too must remember this as it isn't always easy to think when you don't get your way.  I'm not perfect, but God is.  And, we promise to be the best parents we could be.  We love you and long for you.

Love,
Mommy and Daddy

Our Fairytale

Over the years, I have come to realize more than ever that life changes. The plans, goals and hopes for your future may come to an abrupt hault at any given moment. It is in those life altering moments that we find ourselves, and in some cases, our very own love story.

Back in the day, I was that girl. You know-valedictorian, the high school's "Most Humanitarian", never see me without a smile on my face, every guy's "little sister"-that girl. But in time something changed. The innocence that I held so dear was crushed when something, or rather someone, came into my life.

The loss of your first love stings, bad. And, believe it or not, the loss of each one following hurts just as much. Time and time again, I found myself searching, hoping, praying for my prince to find his way into my life. Each time I gave everything I had to offer, fully committed. So much so, that I was four months away from walking down the alter to the man i believed to be "the one". However, somehow God provided me with a way out (sometimes against my will, accompanied by a lot of tears) protecting my heart until my real Fairytale could be written.

I remember when I was a little girl, I dreamt of the day that my prince charming would show up in my life and sweep me away from my village and into his own castle. Over time, I realized how sad I would be if I had to leave the kingdom I had come to love. Thus, God gave me the amazing gift of hometown love. On January 24, 2009 something magical happened. Twenty-two years of living within miles of one another, my prince finally took the right turn and so did I.

After weeks of a very persistent (and very handsome) boy asking to take me out, I let him. Reluctant at first, I slowly began to open my heart. Within months this boy that I had known my entire life unfolded into the man I love, and when he looked me in the eyes and said the same three words I had heard so many times before, I believed him.

Sealed with a Kiss

As I rounded the corner into the waiting area, I listened for that one cue I had prepared for.

Wait, where's the music? In my mind, I knew that people were about to walk down the aisle and "Goin' to the Chapel" was supposed to be playing. What is this? I started to panic. Then, it occurred to me. The mismatched music that was blaring in the room was coming from the television sitting just feet away. Well, great. I missed it. Thus, I stood quietly with my daddy as I patiently awaited the surprise I had put together for my groom.

Cue: Wouldn't Change a Thing.
-Grandparents
-Parents

Cue: Canon in D.
-Bridal Party
-Flowergirls

Wait for it...

Silence.

"January 24, 2009..."

There it was. After two years of dating this blue-eyed boy, I finally shared the secrets I had written. Numerous journal entries, carefully selected, were sounding from the speakers as I kept hidden. Weeks prior I met with my DJ in a recording studio to put together an audio collection for my wedding day. It was the little things that made me slowly open up to him, that made me ultimately fall in love with him.

The emotions came to life as I couldn't help but cry at my own words. The memories of each special moment in our relationship that brought us to this place-to this point in our lives.

As my daddy heard my voice for the first time, he looked down out me. "Did you?" he rounded the corner to avoid crying. Choked up with tears in his eyes, he reached for a Gatorade and gulped it as I waited for that one word.

"He's crying," my cousin told me as she waited outside of the door watching what I longed to see.
Then, after what seemed like an eternity, it came.

"May 21, 2011...Dear Lord," and thus I read a prayer that I had prayed over and over in my lifetime. I thanked God for the heartaches along this road called life. I prayed to bless our lives, our marriage, and to use us. I prayed for His blessing. Then, "Amen."

As my daddy started to walk forward, I squeezed his arm to hold him back.

"Not yet," I whispered.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Then, as the soloist sang out the words of the song that enveloped everything I wish I could have explained, I rounded the corner to see the one thing I wanted more than anything in the world. I saw the blue eyes that spoke a thousand words to my heart without saying a single word. I saw the tears streaming down the soft cheeks of a kind hearted man that felt exactly the same way I did. I saw just how much love was felt within.

With each step of the ceremony, I grew deeper and deeper in love with my groom. It's hard to say exactly what happened. I know that we read our vows, but I couldn't tell you exactly how they sounded or where I messed up. We exchanged our rings, but I don't fully remember how the rings got our fingers. Each person placed a single roses symbolizing each life that helped shape us in to the people we were. We tied together my bridal bouquet, took the Lord's Supper with our families, and the preacher said the words I could never have prepared myself for.

"You may now kiss your bride."

For a split second, the world stopped. No movie, photograph, or story could capture the feeling that came in that moment in time. My hand reached up and touched his face as I couldn't help but smile. This man, was my husband.

You Know the Saying...

"...everything that can go wrong, will"? Well, it pretty much did. After soaking in a warm bath the night before the wedding, I assumed I would wake up refreshed and ready for the day ahead of me. Truth-be-told, I had a gotten a great night's sleep. That was until I woke up sick as a dog running to the "ladies" room. Boy, was it going to be a long day. After taking a nice dose of phenergan, my belly settled down and I laid back in bed until the bridesmaids woke up.

"Okay, so what all do we need to get done this morning?"

If it weren't for these girls, I would have lost it. I promised not to be bridezilla, and my dear friend gave the best advice of, "...just stay calm and take everything in." Therefore, when I realized just how much I had to do before walking down the aisle, I didn't sweat it. Instead, we made a pretty little list of "To do's" and got around to leave the hotel.

Breakfast, really? How in the world was I going to force something down into my belly while there were more nerves fluttering around in there than bees in a sweet honeycomb? Well, I tried. Believe me, you can ask the girls, I tried. I did manage to get part of a brown sugar poptart down (dabbed with a little butter, just like my momma used to fix for me when I was little...comfort food) and grabbed a banana to take on the way.

First stop of the day? Hobby Lobby. We ran in, went straight to the wedding section, and picked up my garter. It wasn't until I was standing in the aisle, surrounding by wedding decor, that I realized I didn't have a guest book pen, toasting flutes, or anything to use to serve the cake. Therefore, I picked up a few of these last minute things while reluctantly dialing future hubby to ask him to bring our crystal champagne flutes from the house when he went up to the country club.

While I was rushing around, my amazing (and I do mean AMAZING) groom was dealing with his own set of issues. 1) The beautiful baby grand piano (gutted and rotted from being out in a fire pit prior to our rescue) had to make it from Point A, our back patio, to Point B, the reception site, 2) Once arriving at the clubhouse, he found himself asking, "Where was the wedding designer/decorator/florist?"...along with the other questions of, 3) "Why aren't the tables set up downstairs?", 4) "Where is the rental items we requested and paid for, and 5)"How am I going to do everything the way my (obsessive compulsive) bride wanted BY MYSELF?" AND being the AMAZING person he was (as I mentioned above), he managed to keep all of these issues from me as to not make me worry.

Come to find out, our decorator didn't even show up at the venue until approximately 3 hours before guests were to arrive. Did I mention we were having an outdoor wedding? Oh, and this outdoor wedding was taking place at a location that never has weddings. The country club had booked a tournament on the same day as our wedding, leaving our lovely tables that were supposed to be hand delivered and set up for us that morning...inside, upstairs, in a room surrounded by people eating. The owner didn't even so much as mention to the workers that day that there was a wedding. Also, the rental items showed up (without the promised phone call ahead of time) on the back of a trailer. And that is where they stayed until future hubby had to help himself and set up over 200 chairs just like so.

La-ti-da. I was making the rounds at Target, Walmart, and stopping at the house to pick up the items I had conveniently forgotten before making it to our 10:45am appointment at the salon.

Let me just say this, despite the expense of getting a stylist and makeup artist, it was totally worth having someone make me up to feel like a princess. Hours of sitting with some of my best girl friends in the world, a can of hairspray, and eyelashes longer than the shorelines, I was ready to go.

Approximately two o'clock in the afternoon we left to grab lunch. By this time, I was ready to eat. AND keeping with my high sodium diet, I had McDonald's french fries. The whole thing of them. Then, I called to touch base with the rest of the world to make sure we were still on schedule.

Negative.

Since I had hired two of the most amazing photographers in the world, they had committed (and being the only loyal vendors we hired) they followed through with being on time. I, however, was not. Since everything was so chaotic around the site, my AMAZING groom was tied up...still. This meant a short trip with the girls to get ready at the new house. Oh, and did I mention that my mom was stuck helping all morning so she was running late as well? Oh, and that she had the very gown I was supposed to be sweetly laced up right about...now.

An hour after we were supposed to start pictures, my mom arrived to meet us at the clubhouse upstairs. Looking out the window, people were running around like chickens with their heads cut off. My designer was no where to be found, and thankfully my incredibly life-saving cousin was there to take the reigns. She started fumbling around to take tables downstairs in place of the missing guest book table and gift table. She tied black cloth (totally not matching, but very appreciated) around the tables and started setting things up. She met with the cake decorators, directed them where to place the cakes, tied ribbons on the back of chairs, placed pictures where needed, and managed to do so in a little black dress...with a smile on her face. All the while, I sat upstairs avoiding being seen by my handsome groom and the guests arriving on time.


Pictures were nearly impossible to take ahead of time with the bridal party, and flowers were no where to be found. Therefore, I looked at my sister (pretty close to breaking down in tears) told her how awful the day was, and said, "I am just so ready to get down there and get married." Then, it hit me. That is what the day was supposed to feel like. It didn't matter about the chaos and drama that surrounded it, or the million and one questions people were asking to try to pull this thing off...it was supposed to feel like I was ready. A few quick shots and we were literally moments away from the ceremony beginning.

Wait, my something old?
My baby bonnet made into a hanky tucked inside my gown.

Something new? My precious cameo to match my big sister. Check.
Something borrowed? A strand of pearls from my grandmother's jewelry collection.

Something blue? My handwritten, chicken-scratch scribbled vows that were conveniently written with a blue pen just before getting into my gown. I had slipped on some beautiful pearl earrings from my mom's jewelry until they were soon replaced with my very own pair when the best man arrived with a tiny box. I opened it and found the most precious diamond and pearl earrings I had ever seen as a gift from my future hubby.

And last, but not least, I rounded the corner down the stairwell as everyone hustled to the ceremony as the music began. "Where's my daddy?" Then, just as always, he came to the rescue. I plopped down on the stairstep as my daddy pulled a "special" penny (dated the year I was born) that he had been keeping close all week. He kneeled down on the ground and slipped the worn copper piece into my ruffled white high heel.

Well, this was it.

Two Days and Counting

Yes, you heard me right. I am officially two days away from the wedding. Not only am two days away, but I am 0 days away from no work until after Memorial Day. And thank goodness. This week has honestly taken a toll on me. I wish, I wish I could have given myself a few days to relax before the hustle and bustle of wedding fun. Oh well.

Today was, how can I put this lightly, awful. Running late to work this morning, I was on the phone with my momma telling her all of the many, many things I had to get AFTER work at Hobby Lobby. Before I knew it, I had taken a wrong turn and was almost to the Hobby Lobby parking lot. Yes, my brain is somewhere else.

Once arriving to my day job, I managed to pile on the "to do's" the more I sat there. Only half a day and yet, it seemed like there was no winning. I rushed on my lunch "hour" (actually the 30minutes I HAD to get out of the office in order to get some much needed errands wrapped up, grab SOMETHING to snack on, and talk to our officiant about the last minute details before he arrived in town). I guess I took the "rushing" too literally, because the next thing I knew my foot slipped onto the brakes as I saw a pretty little black-and-white car sitting across from me flashing their lights. You guessed it, police. Oh how I wish I could have taken those few moments of distraction back. How in the world had I managed to pull this one off? Two days before my wedding and I allowed myself to be so irresponsible that I did the deed. I took my eyes off of the speedometer and my foot to the floor. One hundred and sixty one dollars later, I was back at work, tears and all.

As I clocked in from my lunch "break", my boss sweetly mentioned that she did not have me off for that afternoon and asked me to stay and get my marriage license TOMORROW. Yes, to add to my long list of things to get done ONE DAY BEFORE MY WEDDING, the LAST thing I needed was to add a trip to the courthouse with the future hubbs.

On top of waking up early, getting all of my last minute (...and I do mean "last minute") shopping done, finalizing plans with vendors, trying to relax with my momma and sister as we spent the last few hours together getting our nails done (no time for pedicures, just manicures), checking lists over and over, getting my hair and makeup done as a trial run for the wedding (since I had to cancel my bridal pictures TWICE from being sick for the past few months), meeting with our officiant to figure out the ceremony details (without a program...because of course I didn't have time to make them), and having our rehearsal and rehearsal dinner...why not add an hour long process of driving to El Reno and waiting in line only to drive back in town to rush to get ready for MY wedding. It seems to me that people are forgetting that this isn't something that happens every other day. Although, in our society it happens more than it should. We are talking about the ONLY time I will be getting married. The one day of my life that I have dreamt of and prayed for over since I was a little girl.

So, when my boss asked me to stay and wait until the next day to run my "errand" (kind of important one seeing how if I didn't do it then there would be no "marriage"), I lost it. I choked back the tears and put my job on the line as I told her, "No, I can't do it tomorrow. I'm already cutting it close to the courthouse closing by me leaving at the time I am." Thus, I wrapped up my day at the office and ran to meet my groom.

Is it just me or does anyone else out there picture "the courthouse" as something similar to the state capital? You know, the tall steps leading to a large, white building that has been built to last with beautiful marble floors and tall columns. Hello? The courthouse was NOTHING like I envisioned. You walk into this dark hallway (with a metal detector lining the doorway...how welcoming). Only to be greeted by cranky clerks that are there to sign paperwork and apparently are not happy to do it. Not only that, but how romantic is it to walk up to a counter that states "divorce decrees" just the left of the happy newlyweds?

Well, despite this let down, I didn't let it keep me from asking the officer to take our picture as we held up our marriage license next to the metal detector.

Finally, we headed out to meet the "whole gang" for the first of the weekend's festivities! Family, friends, food, and fellowship...what better way to start a wedding?!

Meet the Fam

Why is it that time flies when you're having fun, and yet, time stands still when all you want to do is have fun? So much to do, so little time. Why am I working this week again? The minute hand seemed to drag as all I could do was think about the long list of "to do's" I had waiting for me this week. Not to mention future-hubby's family was flying in from Tennessee today, and we would be joining them as soon as I got off of work.

Work, seriously? I honestly think my mind was in a different world today. That's to be expected though, right? I mean, it's not everyday that you get married. My heart speeds everytime I think about it. I cannot believe I am actually days (not even weeks) away from walking down the aisle and becoming Mrs.

With that being said, it just hit me that I only have a few days to get things done. I feel like Santa preparing for Christmas Eve with all of the lists I have to check twice. Last minute shopping trips, phone calls to make, people to see, and oh how I wish I could be at more than one place at a time. Someday, I WILL learn how to say "no". Like when I overcommitted myself to spend every evening this week doing something other than what I NEED to be doing to get ready for the big day. All I know now is that, at this point, I am just ready for it to be here. I am ready to forget about everything else, everyone else, and say "I Do." Because really, I do. After two and a half years of getting to know the man that stands behind this little ring on my finger, I am so anxious to be his wife.

Trust me, we have had our ups and downs. Honestly, I question how many ups we have truly had. So many problems have stood in our way, and we have both grown more and more through them all. I am reminded of all of the many...MANY mistakes I have made over the years. The heartaches I have felt and the ones I have caused. I can only live out this relationship from today on in a way that satisfies the Lord's will for my life and marriage. God is so good to shape us into the person we are created to be. I feel as if I have finally allowed Him to take control of my life and (with resistance) hand over the pen to write my love story. In the past, I felt as if I was walking through the motions trying to create the perfect ending I desired so much. The truth is, "perfect ending" is the day the Lord calls us home, and everything until then is the steps we take to get closer to Him. It isn't about someone worshipping the ground I walk on enough to think there isn't a single flaw within me. It is about someone worshipping the God that created me and someone loving me despite the flaws I possess (and there are many).

Over time, I have placed my halo aside and realized (brutally) that I am NOT an angel. I struggle just like everyone else. I tried so hard to be someone I wanted to be, but not who I really am.

Wow, did I get off topic or what? Ultimately, the point of this blog was to let the world know that today I am meeting the people that helped raise the sweet young man that I have chosen to commit my life to. I will be gaining insight into who he really is and where he comes from. Hope they like me!

The Week Before Marriage...

Dear World,

This is the last week of the old me. As of Saturday, I will no longer have the same name, same ID, or same left hand. I will no longer mark the "single" status when filling about paperwork. My permanent address changes, it becomes OUR home, and I will have a husband. Until that day, I am merely me. This translates to waking up early in the morning, getting ready for work, making my daily drive, working eight-to-five and TRYING to place wedding planning into the mix.

You see, I have a confession. I AM obsessive compulsive when it comes to planning ESPECIALLY when it comes to weddings. I just love get togethers. The food, family and friends all surrounded by a beautiful atmosphere...I could do it everyday. Seriously, everyday. With this being said, I have planned this wedding to a T. First and foremost, however, there is one thing I truly desire for this day. More than any beautiful pink roses, gorgeous white drapes flowing from ceiling to floor, clear wine glasses that sparkle in the sunlight...more than white gown that makes me feel like a princess...I want to see tears of joy in the man that I love.

With all of this health-drama, I feel less than prepared for the day ahead of me. It's funny how something I have dreamt about for a decade, planned for a year, and prayed for can have so much surrounding it. Whoever had the smart idea of working all week before their wedding, wasn't so smart. And by saying "whoever", I mean me. Since I had been forced to take off for days at a time for testing and doctors appointments, I have little to no time before my big day to take off. This makes for a very hectic week ahead. I somehow have to pull everything together, meet out-of-town guests and new family members, and get all of the wedding "stuff" done in my freetime (And by saying "freetime", I mean the non-existent extra portion of the day that I don't already have a million and one things going through my head).

Ready or not, here I come!