Since August of 2011, a lot has happened. It is difficult to think back to what all the world has missed from our tedious lives. Towards the end of 2011, we were blessed with the youngest addition to our sweet little family. Ellington Louise (Elloise for short) fits in just perfectly with her our other two fur babies. Elloise has had a tough start to her young life, being found beside the street in the heart of OKC she was picked up and loved by her foster parents in Edmond, OK. From the very first time I saw her big brown eyes on a post from a rescue website, I fell in love with her. My sweet hubby has been wanting another pup ever since we had to say goodbye to our 3 year old boxer due to leukemia. Not ready to have a third mouth to feed, I wasn't even looking to have another dog around. God, on the other hand, had a different plan. Elloise is a beautiful, fawn colored boxer that was nothing but skin and bones when she was rescued. When we first met her, she instantly came up to me. I didn't want to leave her! We gave her foster family one more night with her and tears were shed from the kiddos when we finally picked her up. How hard that must have been for them! We are very fortunate that they were able to open up their hearts and home to take care of her as if she would be with them forever. Thankfully, we are the ones she gets to come home to and we couldn't feel more blessed.
Speaking of coming home, our house is becoming a home with real walls, paint, and the most beautiful wood floors I've ever laid eyes on. The scratches on the surface tell the stories of the times we get to play with our sweet pups and allow ourselves to actually live in our house. Hubby has done such a great job remodeling everything in our house, and we officially have a kitchen. Not just any kitchen, however, we have the most perfect kitchen complete with a pink Kitchenaid mixer. The very mixer that has made several desserts over the last few months to celebrate some very special birthdays.
One birthday cake in particular would be that of our sweet little nephew. September of 2011 our little Krew Boo turned a year old...and now he's a toddler! It's hard to believe that he has gone from a baby bump on my adorable sister-in-law to a little man. And boy is he a daddy's boy! Although it took some time for him to warm up, he is finally coming around and loves on me anytime I am near. We are officially named "uncle" and "aunt B". I hope he never outgrows that! 
I remember like it was yesterday when my precious niece Zoie was going around calling me "Bitty". Can't they just stay that way forever!? I know, I know. They will grow up, just like we have over the years. To think, Zoie is already six years old, teeth missing and all!
Speaking of missing teeth. It's been a few years since my toothless incident, but last Christmas was full of more blessings with family and friends, and this year we cannot begin to express the appreciation we have for each of our loved ones. We are given a roof over our heads, a warm bed to lay our heads, and full bellies. Not to mention full hearts and an overabundance of our wants as well as our needs. This year we were able to see my greats (my Papaw's siblings), my grands (both sets of grandparents), and our immediate families. It was so great to spend Christmas Eve with everyone again. All of the cousins in one house with enough food to feed an army, it felt just like it should. Then, we were able to go to Christmas Eve service at our hometown church. It is so nice to have come from the same church so that both my parents and in-laws and siblings can all spend time together. After church, we opening presents with the little ones at my husband's parents'. Krew just loved his little glowing turtle we got him! He is so smart, too! Wrapping up the evening, we headed back to my parents' house to make our bed (consisting of blankets and pillows on the living room floor) just in time for Santa.
How wonderful that we were all together for a white Christmas Day! Oh, I forgot to mention just who "we all" are. This past year we have added one more special person to the third row of the car. My big sister finally met the man we have been praying for. After years of heartaches and disappointments, she finally met the person that would take care of her heart. And, after months of dating, I am happy to say this man will soon be my big brother. Yes, my big sister is finally getting married. More than that, my precious niece is finally getting the daddy she has always deserved. After her Mr. Right purchased the beautiful diamond ring, we had the honor of hiding out in the trees of downtown OKC to photograph the entire engagement. Sometimes I wonder which one of us had more happy tears. 
So this year, when "we" all got together it was extra special for each of us. Birthday parties, soccer games, the pumpkin patch or day trips, caroling in the car singing along to Michael Buble' to see the Christmas lights, and family dinners are just a few of the things I will never forget.
In fact, it's amazing how many things happened this year that I can recall as I type this. The birth of my best friend's baby (that requires a post all of its own), our first anniversary, a brand new job, and the life changing decision for our family to become adoptive parents. Which leads me to this post.
This year has had several ups and downs, with more blessings than I could ever account for. However, the biggest down we have faced is the heart wrenching disappointment that has come from personal fertility struggles.
From the time we first started dating, my husband was different than any other person I had ever known. He was older, more mature and anxious to have a family together. After knowing each other for more than twenty years, he knew what he was getting himself into...and he wanted me. We knew the second he slipped that ring onto my little finger we wanted to start a family. Then, came the disappointment.
After having surgery at the beginning of this year, our family has been faced with the constant battle of praying each month will be different. Now, let me say this disclaimer. We need a child in our house like we need a hole in our head. With me in my early twenties, fresh out of college with a big girl job in my field, I know there is still time left before having a child. And,with hubby in a dead end job looking at going back to school and remodeling a home, we may not be in the best place financially to have another human mouth to feed. However, we both want so badly to be parents and we could certainly do it. And, I deeply believe that money is the last thing you should consider when you are following God's plan for your life.
Seeing the way my husband looks at our nieces and nephew makes me love him more. It shows me just a glimpse of how he will be as a father. And let me say this, he will be the best daddy any child could ever ask for. But, something that should come so easily, so natural--doesn't. The one thing that should just happen--doesn't. I cannot give my husband the very thing he desires, and that. just. hurts. Even more, after years of studying for my degree learning every miraculous thing that goes on through an infant's development, every precious thing a mom gets to feel, every change she experiences...the thought makes me ache.
So here I am.
As much as I would love to pour my heart and soul out sharing every frustration that comes from not being able to have a child of my very own, I won't. And as much as I would like to scream at the top of my lungs to each and every one of my friends or strangers that have been blessed with one or more children that they are the luckiest people in the world...and to never to take their children (or pregnancy) for granted, I will resist the temptation. Instead, I want to start this blog for my children. So that one day they may look back and know how very, very much they were loved. They were loved so much so, that they were thought of and prayed for for years before they were even in existence. They were cried for, longed for, and hoped for every single day from their parents. And, most importantly, that no matter how they came to be a part of our family, they are ours. YOU, my precious child, are our baby.
How very scary it is to think about the journey that lies ahead of us to get to you. Your daddy told me that he wanted to bring you home to us all the way from China. China is very far away from the United States, and we don't know what you will experience while you are there or how long it will be until we get to see you. I do know that you had a mommy and daddy before you had us. They loved you so, very much that they were able to choose to have you rather than harm you. And, although I never felt you in my tummy like she did, this mommy grew you in her heart for much longer than you could imagine. I have dreamt of you since I was a little girl. I have thought about braiding your hair and dressing you up when I was playing dress-up myself. I could go broke buying you all of the beautiful things they have for little girls here. And, I promise that we will try very hard so that you may have things like these. But baby girl, you need to know that none of those pretty things make up who you are as a person. In fact, they don't even make up your beauty. God loves you so much and gave you the opportunity to choose the person you want to be. It is up to you to choose what is right and wrong. Mommy, Daddy and God will all love you in a way that is unconditional. This means that no matter what choices you make, you will still be our little girl. However, the beauty that you will desperately search for as all little girls do comes from within. It comes from the decisions you make and how you live your life to glorify God. He has given us a very special and important role in your life. He has given you to us so that we may teach you about Him. He knew you before you were even placed into your old mommy's tummy. He knew you before even I was born (which was a very long time ago). He knows you right now as you are when I am sitting in a room half a world away thinking about you. Our hearts hurt waiting for you and we wish we could hold you in our arms right now, but God also has perfect timing. He has a plan that is bigger than any of the things you will ever dream about. So, always remember that He knows best. I too must remember this as it isn't always easy to think when you don't get your way. I'm not perfect, but God is. And, we promise to be the best parents we could be. We love you and long for you.
Love,
Mommy and Daddy
